The Dog Diet

Funny story from a wonderful relative of mine…made me laugh during this coronavirus outbreak.

——————-

“I interrupt the COVID-19 pandemic to bring you this lil story…

Last night I went to Sam’s Club to buy a bag of food for my dogs.


Already in line, a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.


I stare at her (those who know me will imagine my gaze 🤔😳) …but then why would I be buying dog food…right? 😝😝


So on impulse I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but 15 pounds less!

I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry the kibbles in your pocket and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).


Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answered…of course not!

I was admitted because I bent down to smell the butt of a bulldog and I was hit by a truck 😂😂😂

I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack…he was laughing so hard!

…Let’s continue promoting reading! 😁

I have to confess…I posted this to make you smile. It’s your turn to copy/paste it and make someone else laugh.


We need to laugh more! Have a GREAT DAY😄😄😄”


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

 

Pool Poop Galore

So I was at the pool going swimming, doing my laps.  


It was very busy there with lots of people of all ages. 


All of a sudden, I hear some screaming. 


Then the guards come over and tell people they have to get out of the pool, pronto!


There’s been an accident. 


No, not someone getting hurt.


Someone had a bathroom accident in the pool.


The director of the pool is going around explaining to the inconvenienced swimmers that:

“Someone pooped in the pool.”


Not exactly an eloquent way to say it, but it gets the point across. 

What is worse, it was on the side of the pool where the adults were swimming!


Next come the lifeguards with the nets and they are literally scooping swathes of this sh*t out of the pool. 


I see it literally spans almost a half length of this olympic pool. 


What a crappin’ mess. 


Luckily I got almost all my swim in–yes, I am dedicated!


And then took a long hot shower with tons and tons of soap. 😉


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Just One Mistake

So all it takes is one mistake. 


And your whole life can be completely altered. 


The consequences for a slip up in a split second in time. 


I’m talking to someone today and he tells me his story and it goes like this:


He came here from overseas in early 2000 after winning the lottery for a green card.  


split second and his life is changed miraculously for the better. 


He moves here and finds work as an electrician. 


He saves money, gets married, and is living a decent life. 


All is well and then…


One day, another split second and he is on the scaffolding doing his work as an electrician and suddenly it collapses, and he falls severely breaking his leg and knee.  


He is taken to the hospital where the doctor tells him his injuries are too severe and he is transported to another major metropolitan hospital. 


After three surgeries, his leg is put back together with metal plates, rods, and bolts. 


He is unable to work, loses his job, and eats through his savings living off it while his leg slowly heals. 


Next, the hospital comes after him for $60,000 in medical bills. 


He says he has no choice but to leave the country to escape the debt, which he cannot pay. 


After 7 years and with the debt forgotten, he is able to return to this country.


His wife who he married here claims he abandoned her and divorces him.


He has lost everything he had in this country.


He shows me that his leg has huge scars up and down the sides and he bangs on his leg multiple times to show me the metal plates holding it together. 


He also demonstrates to me also that even after all these years, he still can’t run and as he tries in slow motion, his knee collapses and he visibly starts to lose his balance. 


I asked if he still has pain these 10 years later, and he says, “Yes!” 


Then he comes closer, turns to me, and with a very serious look, he shakes his head.


He says, “It only takes one mistake…just one mistake.”  😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Watch Out For That Gopher Hole

So this was funny this week. 


I hurt my back and leg and am going around with a (little) limp. 


So one of my colleagues at work sees me struggling-limping down the long hall here, and they say to me this funny thing:

Did you fall in a gopher hole?


I had to take an aback because I never heard that phrase before. 


Working outside the city here though, where a lot of people live in the burbs, and we regularly see all sorts of animals around campus, perhaps it wasn’t so outlandish a question.  


Anyway, as I’m limping, I can’t get that funny image out of my head.


I wonder if other people have fallen in a gopher hole and that’s why back problems are so common after all. 😉


(Source Photo: here with attribution to annolyn)

Two Beautiful Hearts

So a very nice elderly lady we know from synagogue took a bad fall and broke her leg really badly…like in half.


She put up on Facebook that she had undergone surgery, had a metal rod and plate inserted in her leg, and was recovering in the hospital–and she wanted visitors. 


My wife saw the message on Facebook, and we ran over to the hospital to see how she was and spend some time with her to try and cheer her up. 


Considering how badly she had been hurt, she was actually in amazingly good spirits. 


A couple of her neighbors were there in the hospital visiting her as well. 


One of them had actually heard her screams from the backyard where she had fallen by her pond and had helped keep her from going into shock, cradled her head in her lap, and called for rescue services.


When I commented how amazing she was and that she was a real hero pointing to the heart–she said it was really nothing, and went on to say”

I have two hearts!


And she pointed to one on the left and one on the right. 


I thought to myself that really we should all have two hearts like that to care and to give to others. 


One heart is us alone. 


Two hearts are when we join with others. 


“Two hearts that beat as one”–one for caring and one for giving. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Escalator Pile-Up

Escalator.JPEG

So this was really funny at the Metro escalator. 


There was a huge double line of people coming down the escalator heading to the trains.


Everything is moving swiftly like clockwork.


Decend, decend, decend…step off and move to the right or left track for the next train. 


But then…


One person, steps off and instead of moving left or right, they stop to try and figure out which side their train is coming from. 


So all the people behind them coming down and off the escalator are blocked by the one “bumbling idiot” and they start stumbling into him with no place to go, and more and more people coming down end up in the human pile. 


You could almost hear the people getting to the end of the escalator yelling: “Get out of the way!”


It was crazy and sort of hilarious–as no one was hurt, but the system isn’t built to give a person pause at the bottom.


The people just keep coming and coming–where’s the emergency break? 🙂


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

That’s One Scary Shot

Scary.jpeg

Wow, this is one scary photo. 


Imagine coming downstairs and seeing this kids body laying on the floor like that. 


Looks like he’s dead!


Would you freak out totally?


Call 911.


Get the emergency responders on the scene. 


Try to save his life. 


Thoughts race through your mind. 


Is he sick?  Was it an accident?  A crime scene?  Terrorism?  Is there an active shooter? 


Is he going to make it? 


Where is his family?


OMG, what if they lose him?


Well, it turns out this kids was just acting out and scaring his parents–and everyone else passing by.

Life is so full of surprises. 


You never know if it’s the real thing or not.


But you have to be prepared for anything, anytime. 


This is a crazy world we live in. 


Thank G-d when it’s just a false alarm and everything is okay. 


Unfortunately not every time is it all well that ends well. 😉


(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Your Computer Is All Wet

Computer Chip

So I was at my first synagogue men’s club event last week.


A guy at the door was checking people in with a laptop lent by my friend, who is the head of the men’s club.


Sitting at the desk, the check-in guy had a cup of soda and at one point, it got knocked over and spilled on top of the MacAir. 


I raced over with some napkins to try and wipe it off quickly, and my friend grabbed his laptop and held it upside down to try and get the spill out.


For a while, the computer stayed on, but as I feared all the sugary stuff in the soda would do it in so it wouldn’t turn on again. 


I emailed my friend a number of times during the week to find out how his laptop was doing. 


He had made an appointment with AppleCare and they said they could fix it, but he said it would cost almost as much as a new computer. 


Also, they gave him a contact somewhere else that specializes in recovering the data/contents on the computer. 


The saga with the computer isn’t over, but on Shabbat my friend in synagogue said to me, “You know, you were the only one who contacted me to inquire how I was doing with the laptop.”


And he gave me a warm smile that said thank you for actually giving a damn. 


I thought to myself perhaps we only have a few real friends in the world and it’s not just about who gives us that old ada-boy at the fun events. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Broken Arm, Broken Metro

Broken Arm

So I spoke to a lady on the D.C. Metro yesterday.


Not old, not young–she was sitting in a handicapped seat. 


What happened to her?


She told me how this last year as she was riding the train, it had suddenly and ferociously jerked forward, and then backwards.


The fierceness of jerking motion breaking the top of her arm–the humerus–vertically right down the middle in a horrible break. 


As she was talking her eyes glazed over remembering what happened.


She found herself on the floor of the train lying in excruciating pain.


One kind lady stayed with her as the paramedics were on their way.


She overheard others on the train actually complaining in earshot that they were being delayed “because of her!”


She was taken to the ER, and ended up spending 2 1/2 months in the hospital and rehabilitation center. 


As explained, they couldn’t cast this type of break, and she wasn’t allowed to sleep laying down–she had to sleep in a chair–again she said how the pain was so bad and unlike anything she ever experienced, incuding childbirth and bypass heart surgery. 


Professionally, she was a lawyer for the government, but ended up not suing Metro, shaking her head that it just wasn’t worth it. 


In her wallet, she showed me her Metro disability card that they gave her so she could sit in the special seats now and get a reduced rate riding the train.


Shaking her head, she exclaimed that even though she is mostly healed now, she never stands on a moving train anymore, always making sure she is sitting and nestled next to something.


I could see the emotional pain on her face as she told me her story, and she seemed generally afraid of ever going through anything like that again. 


At the same time that she was talking to me, in eyesight was a younger man hanging out by the center doors on the metro, overfident and not holding on–actually leaning way back on his backback against the doors, almost daydreaming. 


Not everyone heard this lady’s story…maybe they should. 


Overall, Metro seems chronically underfunded or mismanaged and in desperate need of major repairs and replacements–train, tracks, escalators, elevators, everything. 


The system is a mess and it needs urgent attention. 


Why does it always take a tragedy to finally get action? 


Coincidentally, I saw today that Metro (WMATA) is advertising in the Wall Street Journal for a new General Manager and Chief Executive Officer–yep, good luck to that person, they will definitely need it and a lot more!  😉


(Source Photo: here with attribution to Christian).

Blame The SLOW Trains

Train
So another tragic major train derailment in Philadelphia this week. 



Already 8 people killed and over 200 injured. 



All over the news, we see that the train was speeding by going just over 100 mph.



Yes, it was a curve, and maybe we need to build some straighter more stable lines (I believe that is partly what eminent domain used properly is for) and with the latest safety features. 



But does anyone ask how can other countries safely implement their trains at far faster speeds–that makes 106 mph look virtually like a mere snails pace in comparison.



Just last month, the Wall Street Journal ran an article about the U.S. potentially upgrading to bullet trains that rountinely and safely go at far higher speeds:



Japan: 375 mph!



France: 199 mph.



China: 186 mph.



U.S.: 149 mph (even the Acela train has the potential to do at least this much, but for the most part they don’t due to shared lines with commuter and freight trains and an aging infrastructure–uh, so where did all that money from the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act go exactly?)



In what now seems retrospectively almost mocking, Japan Railways, International Division Chief stated: “We have a track record of transporting a huge volume of passenger traffic with very few delays or accidents…Because the trains operate so accurately, travel can be made very efficiently [and safetly].” 



Do you think we the U.S. can catch up with our 21st century peers here?



(Source Photo: here with attribution to Toshy Island Paddy)