Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called, “Don’t Lose Your Head.”
Woman are notorious in the Bible for taking men’s heads—and I mean taking them!
The great news is that women are awesome fighters, the bad news is that your head is a very valuable thing to lose.
(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Thought this was incredible.
Someone opened up a “Rage Room” in Maryland.
I know the atmosphere in D.C. is polarized and sort of toxic lately, and there is lot’s of identity politics, obstruction, and even people hating on each other, but this really shows how things have degenerated.
And let’s face it, it’s not just the politics that people are stressed out about–how about stress from family, work, and bills. We’re on 24/7 these days and a lot of stress can build up in people that way.
But now, people can actually pay money to go to into a room, wrap themselves in safety clothing, and spend their time smashing things.
Almost like when they put crazy people in a padded room in a straight jacket and let them hit their heads against the wall for a while.
In the Rage Room:
You can break 10 glass items for just $25!
Or throw in a medium printer in the starter pack and it’s $35.
You can even BYOB (Bring Your Own Breakables) and have at it for $15.
Group packages and even gift cards are available.
Fun maybe, a little crazy for sure. 😉
Just wanted to share a saying that I liked.
It is an ancient Mongolian proverb and was in the movie, “Mogul” about the rise of Genghis Khan:
Do not scorn a weak cub; he may become a brutal tiger.
I think this is the Asian equivalent of:
1) Don’t burn your bridges.
2 Don’t start a war you can’t win.
3) Pick on someone your own size.
4) What goes around comes around.
The Asian version is better! 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Anger is one of those emotions (like jealousy) that can clearly get the best of people.
Hence, the term anger management!
The Talmud teaches that there are 3 ways to know a person’s real character:
– Koso, Kiso, and Ka’aso.
From Aramaic to English it translates as:
– Cup, Purse, and Anger.
In other words…
Cup–When a person “drinks,” this is how they handle their alcohol and how they act when physically (or perhaps emotionally) inebriated or as we say, “When the wine goes in, the secrets come out!” Are they jumping on the bar, ripping it all off and saying and doing the inappropriate and profane or are they able to recognize their point of weakness and ask someone for a ride safely home.
Purse–This is how a person handles money (and power). Materialism of people speaks volumes. Are they cheap, misery, and narcissistic or compassionate, caring, and giving to others.
Anger–When a person is angry, this is often when their “true colors” show. Do they get mean, bullying, abusive, and violent–do they go for the throat and the kill or are they situationally aware, measured, and do they listen, understand, and are they able to cope well when “under the gun.”
Focusing on the anger piece…
It’s easy to get angry, and it’s also easy to look for a scapegoat and let it out on people that really have nothing to do with why you’re really angry.
Maybe people can’t always address their anger with the true source, maybe they don’t even recognize their feelings fully, or have no idea how to safely release and reset.
In any case, anger is a dangerous emotion if not dealt with.
Many mistakes are made that cannot be undone when people lose their cool (or sh*t, as now seems more commonly said).
Thoughts on this…
Take a breath, slow down.
Evaluate what’s really going on.
Think about whether it’s truly the end of the world or not.
Assess the options for coping with it.
Look for ways to deescalate and resolve.
If necessary, seek help from others.
Finally, where possible be compassionate and forgiving.
And where not, cope, cope, cope–and survive another day! 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
So it’s amazing how people are so willing to throw away friendship.
They get angry about something having nothing even to do with you.
They say things they probably don’t even mean, and in turn you may say things you don’t even mean.
Often you say things just to bring the other person to their senses.
But sometimes they don’t come to their senses.
They need to let out on someone and you’re the convenient scapegoat.
Before you know it, they throw your friendship under a bus.
Personally, I’m not one to make friends that easily or quickly–there needs to be some real chemistry and the building of trust–but then I am one who is an eternally loyal friend.
Yet, I see others, they kiss and hug and say you’re like family, but then when they get angry, oh boy, you are gone like the wind.
Maybe that’s not what real friendship is.
To me, friendship surpasses dumb deeds and words and stupid fights, it’s about being there through thick and thin.
Take the false teeth out and put some permanent ones in–they last much longer. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
So this was amazing.
I was working with someone for a number of weeks/months.
All of a sudden, I got a complete blow off email from them that said they are done and they wished me well in a sort of very sarcastic and even contemptuous way–like a real f*ck off!
Were they just being nasty or trying to pick a fight or something?
First, I was taken aback and honestly hurt–like what the heck happened that they showed their true strips…did I miss it all along.
I showed my wife their email, and she read it the same way, and said “What an asshole!”
I continued to hold my mouthpiece and feelings as I contemplated how I would respond.
I have to admit that some choice words and wishes back to them definitely came to mind.
But I said to myself, “Hold, hold, hold!”
It wasn’t easy not to respond in kind–lash back out at them–and even then some for good measure.
No, that isn’t the way.
You can rise above this.
I kept my mouth shut and literally controlled my reactions.
Well, lo’ and behold, I thought I would never hear from this person again the way they spoke to me, but then a few days later, I received another email where apparently they rethought what they did.
It didn’t have to come from me to them to “set them straight!”
Their own conscience seemed to have played on them and they came to their own senses about how they behaved and spoke.
I learned from this that it is critical to maintain your composure and keep your cool under all circumstances, no matter how trying.
Don’t stoop to their level–you rise above it!
Sometimes, the other person may just surprise you and rise back up too and do the right thing in the end. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Just an observation about love today.
But it seems that it’s far easier and more frequent to see love turn to hate and resentment than vice versa.
It’s a lot easier to destroy a relationship (or any success) than to build it to begin with.
Even as we talk about forgiveness and loving thy neighbor, it seems that more often than not negative feelings are at best turned to acceptance or neutral feelings rather than back to true endearment.
This state is often accompanied by such fears or protectionist sayings as “leopards don’t change their spots” or “love once lost is lost forever.”
While we may be willing to turn the other cheek for a moment or even a while, bad feelings and distrust towards another does not make the leap back to closeness and an endearing, loving relationship all that often.
Of course, there are exceptions where through trust building measures and “easing of sanctions” or hostilities, we can over time rebuild a relationship and become allies or partners again.
However, it is far easier to break trust and lose love then to ever rebuild and recover it.
All the more reason to cherish our meaningful relationships and make love count, sing, and dance for us every moment of every day. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
So the Rabbi today spoke about thinking before you speak, and not letting your emotions overcome your logic.
He mentioned, for example, how some people have so much rage–road rage, email rage, etc.–and you can’t let your rage dictate your actions.
People can certainly get under your skin–just look at the candidates for President doing that to each other.
But rather than just react and blurt out stupid or horrible things in a tit-for-tat, we need to stop and think.
The Rabbi recounted the old advice of counting to ten before saying or doing something rash that you will regret.
The joke was about the one guy bullying another, and the victim counts to ten like he’s supposed to, but then rather than take things down a notch or two, he surprises the bully when he hits ten by punching him right in the nose! (lol)
Another cute idea the Rabbi put out there was for marriage counseling–that husbands and wives should drink this “special water” that they hold in their mouth–this way when they are fighting, they have to pause and can’t say anything provocative and aggressive to each other.
The speak then turned high-tech to some of the new apps for content filtering that help you not to send emails or texts that you are sorry for afterwards.
And I leaned over to my neighbor in synagogue and said that is so funny, because I just saw this 16-year Indian old girl on Shark Tank who developed this app called ReThink that does just that.
When you write something negative like ugly or stupid etc., a pop up box comes up and ask whether you really want to say that–it gives you pause to rethink what you are saying and doing.
She notes from her studies of adolescents that when given the opportunity from this pause, “93% of the time, [they] decide not to post an offensive message on social media.”
I remember one colleague at work used to recommend, “write what you want [with all your emotions], but then delete it, and write what will be constructive to the situation [with your logic].”
Getting back to the election, a lot of what the candidates are saying now and from decades ago is stupid or shameful–“locker room banter”–maybe we need to have a filter on our mouths even when we think other people aren’t listening.
Realistically, we can’t and shouldn’t have to go around filtering every word we say and holding back on every deed we do–there is something to be said for simply following your moral compass in the moment and reacting naturally, talking and doing from the heart and based on instinct, inner belief, and passion.
But if you are getting angry, then it is best to hit the pause button and filter yourself before someone else has to count to ten and pop you one in your big dumb coconut face. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
I took this photo yesterday in a Home Goods store.
This is the aisle for rugs and mats.
And it is a disaster zone!
I asked the clerk (with the orange apron on) knelling on the floor at the end of the aisle if the customers did this.
And he said, “Oh yes!” and he had to clean it all up.
My G-d, what gets into people?
It’s one thing to shop–pick things up and put them down–but throwing everything all over and trashing the place–stuff on the floors and literally left dangling off the shelves.
And forgetting for a moment what this does to other people’s shopping experience and the potential loss of sales for the store…
How about we think for a moment about the poor guy working in the store to earn a few bucks for his family who now has to go on and his knees to clean up this pigfest?
Is this really shopping or for some people perhaps it’s is a way of venting their anger by choosing to sh*t on the innocent next guy.
Gee whiz folks–can you have a heart? 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
I was reminded this week of a kid I grew up with who used to get so angry, he’d say sort of half-seriously at the target of his wrath, “I’m gonna kill your whole family with one punch!”
In this context, here’s something that really happened to me this week…
This guy I know who frequently has a temper was getting angry about something again.
And I said to him in a friendly way, “What’s wrong (now)?”
He says, as if I should know all his frustrations, “You’re kidding me, right?”
Seeing that this happens fairly often with him, I say, “You know you have an anger management problem.”
He says all frustrated with me, “I’m gonna punch you right in the face!”
I said, “You see what I mean.” 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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