When It Turns In

A friend told me something interesting about anxiety and depression…

Depression is anxiety turned inward. 

When people feel anxious and that they don’t have control over their situation that make them feel in a sense helpless, and then the anxiety “has no where to go,” it becomes depression. 

I guess it make sense that if you feel that you can’t really do anything to make things better–and no matter how hard you try–then you feel somewhat helpless/hopeless and get depressed

Perhaps it’s almost like a frustration at your own inability to change things you feel you need to change. 

That is why a person’s feeling some sense of control over their environment and life is so important. 

When things are looking down, it helps to try and do something to take back control over what feels like spiraling uncontrollable events and circumstances.  

Of course, only G-d really has control over what ultimately happens. 

But we need to do our part to try to make things better. 

Just taking that first (and second and third) step is freeing. 

I’m pretty sure that an element of this is that you can tell yourself that you “did everything you could” so in effect there is a lifting of guilt about the situation, but at the same time there is also a genuine feeling that you are here for a purpose and perhaps have made a difference in this world. 

Some people feel big and important, but the reality is that we are all so small in a very big world and universe where suffering and loss can strike (G-d forbid) at any moment. 

Man is but a speck of dust in the realm of things. 

But at the same time, our speck is filled with a soul of the living G-d. 

So we must do what we can to be a good influence and impact. 

Whatever it is, it is what we can do. 

If everyone–7.6 billion of us out there—does their part that can make a difference. 

Don’t let life’s anxieties become your depression.

Look for what you can contribute–do it!–try your best to make a difference and make the world better.

It’s what you’re here for and what you can positively do.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Rich, Famous, and Suicide

So I can’t believe that Kate Spade (55) committed suicide — Hanging. 

What an amazing fashion designer–so much to live for!

Famous for her gorgeous handbags (that used to be the business my dad was in too). 

Her net worth was $150,000,000!

Why does someone so beautiful, successful, rich, and famous take their life???

Ultimately, none of these things make happy or meaning in life!

Still, it is incredibly hard to understand seemingly having so much and throwing your life away–unless of course, we consider terrible things like severe depression and other horrible illnesses that can break anyone. 

Yet, there seem to be so many of these hugely successful people that take or lose their lives so young and with still so much to give the world:

Alan Turing (41) — Cyanide

Alexander McQueen (40) – Hanging 

Amy Winehouse (27) — Alcohol 

Chris Benoit (40) — Broken Neck

Christine Chubbuck (29) — Shooting

Dana Plato (34) – Overdose

Ernest Hemingway (61) — Shooting

Jerzy Kosinski (57) — Overdose

Kurt Cobain (27) — Shooting

L’Wren Scott (49) — Hanging

Lucy Gordon (28) — Hanging

Marilyn Monroe (36) — Overdose

Michael Jackson (50) — Overdose

Mike Alfonso (42) – Hanging

Prince (57) — Overdose

Robbin Williams (63) –Hanging

Sawyer Sweeten (19) — Shooting

Sylvia Plath (30) – Gas Oven 

Vincent Van Gogh (37) — Shooting

Virginia Woolf (59) – Drowning 

Whitney Houston (48) — Drowning 

G-d should have mercy and help to take away the pain and suffering from people so that they can live and not die prematurely anymore. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Suicide Back To Go

So I spoke to someone who tried to commit suicide.

This is what they told me:

“When you try to commit suicide, there is no light; there is no Heaven; there is only darkness.”

Basically, even though they were desperate and tried to kill themselves, their experience was not one of finding relief, but rather of going to Hell!

So while I really don’t know anything, this is what I imagine happens when you try to commit suicide. 

Yes, there is no light–there is only darkness. 

Yes, there is no Heaven.

But I don’t believe you go to Hell for being desperate, depressed, alone, and feeling like you have no other way out. 

Instead, what I believe is that you “Go back to GO and you do not collect $200.”

In other words, you have to start the Game of Life all over again. 

Since you didn’t complete your tests, trials, challenges, and mission…you go back to the beginning. 

You have to relive your life and go through it all over again. 

Who is to say, whether it is a better life or not. 

Presumably, whatever lessons you were supposed to learn the first time around, you still have to complete those lessons. 

So I would think you have to relive a lot of the same. 

I don’t know about you, but one of the things I hate worst when things go wrong is to have to go back and redo what I’ve already done. 

It seems so fruitless, such a waste of time and effort. 

How is that for frustrating–working just to redo what you already did. 

Perhaps that is quite the measured “punishment” for those who end their life prematurely–before G-d says it’s time. 

While we frequently say things about wishing to be young again or do it all over again–I think rarely does someone mean having to go thru the same pain points again. 

I assume it’s nice to live again, but it’s got to be a value-add life–not just a do-over!

So in my mind, while someone on the edge may not have a real choice in what they are doing and in making a decision to take their life–it’s probably not a purely rational moment in time–I do think that in so taking their life, they are not doing themselves any favors in the end. 

Because, suicide isn’t game over, but rather the game begins all over–from the beginning again. 😉

(Note: I am not talking about assisted suicide here for someone who is at the end of life and in absolute pain and suffering and it is truly time to go–I am sure that is perfectly okay). 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Doing It On One Leg

Always finding people with new and creative ways to work out (and torture their bodies).

The gentleman does the stairs on one leg…

Down not so bad (but keeping your balance probably a little challenging). 

Up, one after the other, pretty impressive. 

And he did this routine again and again.

The fitness craze is taking shape…hopefully eclipsing the sedentary and gross carb diets people have adopted over the years.

Carbs, as good as they may taste (although I think you don’t even really taste them as people shovel it in), should be banned or at least greatly limited as an addictive harmful substance.

And sitting all day at a desk, not what otherwise healthy people were meant to do, also big no-no.

We can’t let ourselves become a society of shlubs getting fat, tired, and unhealthy–it’s part of a trend of depressive and destructive personal and social behavior. 

I really think we need a Western fitness revolution–not body-worshiping–just a good healthy balanced lifestyle where we become planetary survivors again and not a bunch of virtual couch potatoes that want to make you puke. 😉

(Source Video: Andy Blumenthal)

You’re Wealthy Nuts

So Bloomberg Businessweek has a really funny article about all the wealthy people that need to go see shrinks. 

Get this–overall wealthy people are cursed with “Affluenza” (not influenza silly) and have “elevated levels of depression, anxiety, psychosomatic issues (physical symptoms from stress), and self-mutilation.”

Some specific reasons they go for mental health help:

– Why Me–A trying issue to deal with is their guilt feelings about being so darn rich, while others are starving, homeless, and can’t make ends meet. 

– Feeling A Little Lonely (And Hated)–They can’t help thinking that perhaps people only like them for their money.

– Aimless In Life–What’s the purpose of their lives if they are living on easy street, don’t have to work, and can buy their way out of trouble. 

– Money To Mess You Up–Some people have so much money, they can squander it on bad investments, but also on alcohol, drugs, sex, and so on.  

– Fear Of Losing It All–Terrible thing about having so much money is you have to worry about losing so much money.  

So next time you are thinking about protesting against the top .1% who have as much as the bottom 90%, have a heart because the wealthy have a lot of problems too. 😉

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Chris Goldberg)

Forcing Kids Backfires Big Time

Fascinating article in the Sunday New York Times today on how the stress we are putting on our kids is making them sick. 

With testing of High school students showing incredibly alarming rates of mental illness:

– 54% with moderate to severe depression.

– 80%+ with moderate to severe anxiety.

And 94% of college counseling directors “seeing rising numbers of students with severe psychological problems.”

Even pediatricians are reporting 5-, 6-, and 7-year olds coming in for migraines and ulcers!

Another teacher said with all this, “We’re sitting on a ticking time bomb.”

Under the pressure to get into great schools and get a foot in the door in excellent careers and attain high-paying jobs, we are making our kids work longer school days, do more homework, take more Advanced Placement (AP) exams, participate in numerous extracurricular activities, and achieve, achieve, achieve. 

We’ve taken away normal play time–the fun out of life growing up–and the imagination, exploration, and discovery away from kids just being kids. 

The paradox is that “the pressure cooker is hurting, not helping, our kid’s prospect for success.”

Especially for parents who themselves grew up poor or lacking, maybe they are trying to do the “right thing”and give their kids more than they had and a “better life.”

But maybe even the best intentions to mold children to be what we want them to be, or think they should or could be, is misplaced.

 

If only we could all take a little (or BIG) chill pill…you can’t force success–with forcing you get the opposite results.

Back off people–instead of pushing and endless disciplining–how about we listen to the children, guide them, show unconditional love, and be excellent examples–show them integrity, a strong work ethic, along with an appreciation for work-life balance, then perhaps we will get not only the success of the next generation that we all need, but also happier, better adjusted, and healthier children. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Kardashian Ball-Busters

So despite the immense beauty, fame, and fortune associated with the Kardashian women…if you are a man, you may want to stay far far far away. 

It seems like in the end, nothing good ever turns out for the Kardashian men–who BTW are often ballplayers and even Olympic athletes. 

Kris’s husbands:

– Robert Kardashian (1st husband) – divorced in 1991 after Kris’s affair and lavish lifestyle spending, remained close friends, and died of esophageal cancer in 2003.

– Bruce Jenner (2nd husband) – divorced in 2014, and revealed “excruciatingly painful” transgender crisis and transformation to Caitlyn Jenner. 

Kim’s husbands: 

– Damon Thomas (1st husband) – Messy divorce in 2004.

– Chris Humphries (2nd husband) – Filed for divorce after 1 year, 7 months and divorce completed in 2013.

– Kanye West (3rd husband) – Marriage issues and divorce rumors abound from frustration over Kim’s weight gain to the two sleeping apart. 

Chloe’s husband:

Lamar Odom (1st husband) – Signed divorce paper in 2015, and now in coma after drug overdose in brothel. 

Kourtney’s partner: 

– Scott Disick (Ex partner) – Broke up in 2015 and continues struggling with drugs and alcohol addiction.

What about brother, Rob Kardashian?

– He too is struggling with a weight problem and depression, and is estranged from his family. 

Anyway, it all starts with Kris Jenner, the controlling family matriarch who has been said to be “testy, demanding, manipulative,” and generally narcissistic.  

And how about the Kardashian daughters–who are they as people?–as they air their freewheeling “have it all” lifestyles on the show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians?

Even though they call it a reality show, maybe the real reality–like for most of humankind–is not so “all that” and glamorous after all? 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Pain Pain Go Away

So I am more the emotional type who cries at sad songs or heroic endeavors. 

But with the hip surgery, I have to admit that I have had some moments of literally screaming pain. 

The surgeon said he did about a full half hour of cauterization to prevent another bleed (hematoma) and infection that happened last time…so not sure if this is causing the extra-extra sting. 

Usually when they ask my level of pain, I say like 2-3, because I imagine a 10 being some horrible torture like being sawed in half (while hung upside down–actually saw this in a movie) or flayed of your flesh, burnt alive at the stake, or quartered by horses–or countless variations on these.

Let’s just say, the medieval tormentors had this torture stuff down.

In a way, I almost feel guilty expressing my post surgical pain (sort of child’s play) relative to these made-to-order cruelties.

Of course for pain, the doctors give you medicine, but honestly I don’t like to take these because of side-effects and even addictive properties. 

But the nurse and physical therapist told me not to let the pain get ahead of me, because then it is harder to control it (and also harder to do the full PT and get the benefits from it).

In the hospital, I was amazed that some people had so much pain (i.e. me) and others just sat there in PT seemingly shrugging off the whole experience. 

Still I made it the full loop with the walker the first day (which the therapists told me is maybe 3x what most others do at that point).

Another thing that I am thinking about with pain, is how do you compare emotional and physical pain–which is worse?

The loss of loved ones, deep disappointments, suffering with sickness or disability, anxiety and depression can certainly cause a lot of pain inside–those are the screams that often no one hears.

Also, that hurt can often lead to physical sickness and bodily pain and vice versa–so they are not mutually exclusive.

My father used to tell me that “When you have your health you have everything.”

I think this is partly because if you don’t have your health, you can’t really do or enjoy much else anyway–so good health is sort of a precursor to all other activities and pursuits.

Probably the worst pains are the ones where their is simply no hope of getting better…and you just have to accept the loss or the end. 

The corollary that my father taught me was “Where there is life, there is hope!”

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

We Need More Rabbit

This was a funny scene down at Foggy Bottom today.

The Nesquik rabbit was giving out chocolate milk bottle samples.

On a warm August day today, this was nice. 

But also, it was refreshing to see a little light-heartedness downtown. 

We all–adults and kids–need more of this–to enjoy life.

It was interesting how we are so going in the opposite direction these days.

Not only with all the bad news around the world…

But even with how hard we have to work just to keep up (24/7) and with a world where our kids are having to work and miss out on what is supposed to be some more or less carefree exploratory years to find themselves. 

Now it’s SAT prep, AP classes, internships, volunteer opportunities, and extracurricular activities–all the time. 

In this regard, in the Wall Street Journal today, there was a review of a book called Excellent Sheep.

The book’s author explains how “For many students, rising to the absolute top means being consumed by the system…[where they] sacrifice health, relationships, exploration, [and] activities…[those things] essential for developing souls and hearts.”

The kids are often working so hard that they are anxious, depressed, and often miserable. 

When getting ahead and becoming wealthy (a priority for 80%!) becomes the prime reason for our young adults’ existence, maybe we have missed the boat in terms of finding true meaning and joy in life. 

Hard work and striving for success is a good thing, but worshipping the proverbial “golden calf” is not productive. 

Like the rabbit, I would give a thumbs up to those for whom a more well-balanced life rules the day–where success, meaning, and joy all play an important part, and we can drink some chocolate milk and not take everything so darn serious. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Shout, Let It All Out or Shut Up and Take 10

I like this photo…”I don’t know what we’re yelling about!!”

On one hand, some people may yell out of frustration or anger–because they feel terribly wronged or even abused by someone else (i.e. they feel a “righteous anger”).

On the other hand, others may yell because they are mentally unstable or just can’t handle their sh*t (i.e. “they are losing it”).

Some may yell like in martial arts training to scare the other person and get them to back off. I remember someone telling me back in NYC that if you’re about to be attacked, start to talk to yourself, act crazy, foam at the mouth, and yell…this way maybe they will leave you alone (i.e. “they’ll look for an easier target”).

While some studies are saying that yelling is becoming less of a problem, the sheer number of articles on this topic tell a different story. From yelling at your children to yelling at your employees, the yelling phenomenon is alive and well.

Parents are yelling more, maybe to avoid spanking, which is now more a social taboo. Studies show that 75% of parents scream at their kids about once a month–this includes shouting, cursing, calling them “lazy,” “stupid,” or otherwise belittling and blaming them. The problem is that yelling only makes the kids depressed, angrier, and creates more behavioral problems, not less.

In this way, shouting at children is no different than physically abusing them (e.g. hitting, pushing, etc.)

Similarly, when superiors or customers scream at employees, the workers feel they are in an out of control situation where they are powerless. There are numerous negative impacts that this has on them, including problems with memory, reduced creativity, worse performance, and higher turnover rates.

While some people may not resort to actual yelling in the workplace, they instead do “silent yelling–sending flaming emails, making faces or otherwise denigrating employees or simply marginalizing them. In other words, they don’t yell, but rather are silent and deadly, nonetheless.

Businessweek quotes Rahm Emanuel about how he motivates people, “Sometimes–I don’t want to say scream at them–but you have to be…forceful.”

Rather than yell or scream, the common advice is to bring it down–way down–using measures from taking a deep breath to meditating, counting to ten or waiting 24 hours before responding, describing how you feel to focusing on problem-solving.

The key is to calm down, act with your brains not your brawn, and figure out how to get to the root cause of the problem and solve it.

People may raise their voice to vent or make a point, in the heat of the moment, or if they are being personally attacked, but in general, as it says in Ethics of Our Fathers, “Who is strong? One who overpowers his inclinations.” 😉

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Soukup)