Don’t Cough On Granny

So these are the signs of the times of Coronavirus. 

Pictures telling us not to cough on Granny. 

Cover your germy mouth!

Don’t get the older and more vulnerable amongst us sick. 

I was in the elevator the other day, standing in the corner next to the elevator buttons. 

Someone else–an older person–gets on with a big (double size) shopping cart.

He’s standing in the opposite back corner (kitty corner from me) with this huge cart between us. 

Then he starts yelling at me, literally, to “get in the corner!”

Ah, I’m already in the opposite corner. 

He’s huffing and puffing angry that he wants me to literally get up against both walls. 

I was almost tempted to say something like maybe you should just get off and catch the next elevator Sir. 

But I held my tongue, in part out of sympathy for these elderly people who are obviously really scared (and maybe rightfully so) of the Coronavirus. 

Sometimes, I think to myself what if we were really hit at some point in the future with a very deadly bioweapon that was expressly designed to kill and to repulse any sort of countermeasures against it. 

What if the fatality rate was 1/3 to 2/3 of the population like in the Middle Ages Bubonic Plague or even higher like 100% of anyone that gets infected from a military-grade, genetically modified virus (similar to effects from Ebola). 

Maybe it’s not good to ask what ifs, but if we are really going to learn anything from this, then I think we need to extrapolate from the relatively minor now to the potential major down the road. 

If you think we have hysteria, deaths, and $2.2 trillion U.S. impact now, this is just a glimpse of what could actually happen. 

We need to seriously rethink our disaster preparedness and response–big time.  😉

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Bored Meetings

So it’s been raining so much here in the DC area lately.

The result is that the hot Summer July temperatures are down in the cool 70’s and the rain is flooding everywhere. 

When I got in the elevator this morning, someone goes to me:

“Did you see the leak in the hallway?  They are watering the tree with it.”

And sure enough, there it was!

When all this rain finally stops, there is going to be a lot of cleanup and repairs to do. 

The other thing was yesterday, we were on the way to a board meeting in our synagogue. 

In the elevator, are two other people–a man and women–carrying binders.

They say to us:

“Are you going to the board meeting?”

Surprised, because I didn’t recognize them from our synagogue, I respond affirmatively and ask to clarify:

“Oh, you’re going to the board meeting too?  I don’t recall seeing you there before.”

Then the elevator stops and they start to get off–but it’s to a different board meeting for the building.

When they see that we’re going to a different floor, they start laughing:

“I guess we’re going to different board meetings!”

I say:

“Yeah that’s right, different board meetings, but we’ll all probably be bored!

Another laugh by everyone, and we we’re all off to the races. 😉

(Source Photo:  Andy Blumenthal)

613 From Elevator To Seaweed

So as you know, we are experiencing 613 (mystical, holy number of commandments in the Torah) all over the place.

This last week, we got on the elevator to go to the 13th floor, and immediately, the next guy gets on and presses for the 6th floor. 

613 is brightly lite up on the elevator console and we turn to each other and are like, “What the…?” (No one else got on/off and no other floors were pressed while we were on it.)

Next my wife is looking on Amazon for some roasted seaweed as part of our lovely diet plan.

Guess how many reviews are on the product…613.

Yes, while each individual occurrence can be explained away or coughed up to chance–is it really possible for so many of these to be happening virtually daily. 

Any statisticians out there? 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Can’t Find My Dentures

This was a funny sign this morning in the elevator.

Someone found a set of dentures on the table in the lobby!

Uh, what was someone doing taking out their dentures and putting them on a public table in the lobby? 

I remember my beloved Opa (grandfather) who had quite a set of dentures (years ago they couldn’t as readily save people’s teeth as they can today). 

When my sister and I would go over to my Opa and Oma for Shabbat lunch after synagogue, and sometime right before Birchas Hamazon (grace after meals), my grandfather would invariably end up taking out his dentures and we would all laugh together at how silly those things looked. 

But thank G-d for those dentures, beause I don’t know how people would eat solid food or smile a non-gummy smile without them. 

Of course, I hope whoever lost their dentures in the lobby isn’t going crazy searching for them, sees the lost and found sign, and claims them soon. 

Anyway, can you imagine going down to the lobby and seeing someone’s false teeth just laying there randomly on the table or when they go to the front desk to claim their lost dentures, and the person behind the desk says, “Well Sir (or Madam), can you put them in your mouth and prove that they are yours?” 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

World’s Most Beautiful Elevator

The world’s most beautiful elevator has got to be the AquaDom in the Radisson Blu Hotel in Berlin.

It contains a cylindrical elevator inside a 1 million liter fish tank filled with 1,500 fish of 50 species.

If you can’t get to the ocean, then bring the ocean to you–spectacular! 😉

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Eric Pancer via Wikipedia)

I’ll Take The Stairs

Woke up this morning to the elevator being out of service–again (and this was the sign that was up)!

Thank G-d our automobiles and airplanes aren’t as unreliable (generally).

Anyway, I didn’t mind walking a little more, and I got a chuckle out of this sign.

Of course, less funny this morning was news of Microsoft’s $6.2 billion! dollar writedown on their Internet division.

For a long time, Microsoft has been waiting for the elevator to pick them up and take them to virtual heaven, but instead everyday they try to buy (e.g. aQuantive for $6.3 billion all cash in 2007) their way there, and they end up in a place a lot hotter and nastier.

Microsoft can still make a comeback, but it’s past time for them to unleash their creative juices again.

What type of name is Bing (bing-bong) for a search engine, anyway? 😉