Pyramid of Emotional Intelligence

I really like this Pyramid of Emotional Intelligence (EI). 

It starts at the bottom with your own personal self-awareness–knowing who you are, including your beliefs, values, priorities, needs, and dreams, and being able to express this. 

Next level is your personal self-control–being able to manage your feelings, control your actions, and cope with challenges and adversity. 

Moving to the social level is then social awareness–having a consciousness and respect of others, their feelings, thoughts, motivations, needs, desires, and rights.

Finally, at the top is relationship management–the ability to actively listen and empathize, assert and influence, be patience and unconditionally accept differences, develop trust, give and take, collaborate, and manage conflict.

Most people work on developing these areas of the EI their whole life, and it is definitely a pyramid worthy of the climb. 😉

(Credit Graphic: Andy Blumenthal)

Arrogance And A Messy Head

While sometimes children behave like “know-it-alls”…

Often an attempt to showcase what they’ve learned or to build their self-confidence. Sometimes, it’s also to bully others.  

More unusual though is to find an adult that thinks and actually says they know it all. 

But sure enough, I ran into someone who told me (about technology):

“I know everything!”

And they said it with a straight face. 

Literally, they told me how they came up through the ranks and knew EVERYTHING with emphasis!

Moreover, they told me that if I didn’t know something, I should go ahead and ask them because they would most definitely know it.

So I respect all people and certainly admire those who are knowledgable and talented in their fields. 

But something felt very wrong about an adult who feels that they have to go around bragging about the depth of their knowledge–and that their knowledge is apparently infinite (at least that’s what they espoused). 

I wondered to myself–is the person arrogant and a big mouth or the opposite–lacking in self confidence and therefore needing to boast and show off to compensate for their inadequacies?

When they were talking, it seemed like their head was getting so big and full of themself that it would just explode!

Most adults with emotional intelligence realize how little they know, and the older they get the more they realize that they don’t know in life. 

Especially, people of faith recognize that G-d is all-knowing and all-powerful, and we are but mere “flesh and blood” and truly just a speck of dust in the universe.

So truly smart people are humble and they look to learn from others, rather than preach and teach in a monologue of hubris.

Like many people that get too big for the britches, G-d usually brings them back down to Earth and their head to size.  😉

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

You Can’t See Yourself

So this donut-shaped art at the Outlets in Clarksburg is metallic and reflective. 

But what is really interesting to me is that when you stand in front of it (like I was literally doing here), you can’t see yourself. 

It made me wonder how you can look at yourself and yet not see yourself. 

And I thought of this as being a bigger lesson in life. 

When we are looking at ourself and there is a big donut whole in the mirror of ourselves then we are left blind to what should be reflecting back at us.  

No matter how hard we try to see ourselves and what we are doing right and wrong, it’s like a ghost out there–we are blind to it. 

To really see ourselves, our heart and mind have to be receptive to seeing the full picture. 

That means looking at ourselves as we really are, even when there seems to be a piece missing to the puzzle, and we have trouble being honest about what we see. 

To change, learn, grow–to become a better person, we need to look full on and be willing to see what we will see.  

You can’t see yourself until you can.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Colleagues That Care

I loved this from a colleague the other day.

When things got a little tough in the office, I came in the next day to 6 smiley faces lined up on my desk. 

This is something that I really appreciate from some people:

Their HUMANITY.

Even though my colleague faced the same tough day, she was thoughtful of others and the impact on them (not herself). 

There are some amazing people out there, and I thank G-d for putting them in my orbit. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Culture Key To Organizational Success

As I continue to learn more about organizational success strategies, I am coming to understand that the underlying culture of the organization is so very fundamental to its success.

I believe this is especially the case in terms of three critical competency areas:

– Communication – needs to be timely, constructive, multi-directional, and with emotional intelligence.

– Trust – must be be based on honesty and integrity including consistently supporting the success of everyone professionally and as a organization. 

– Collaboration – must be be anchored in respecting, valuing, empowering, and rewarding each and every person for their views and the contributions, both individually and as team members, and in treating diversity and collaboration, as a true force-multiplier. 

If any of these elements are missing or broken then it does not seem to me that the organization will be able to be successful for the long term.

Organizational success is built on ingredients that strengthen the ties of leadership and individuals and that foster contribution as individuals and as team members. 

No amount of smart, innovative, and even hard work, in my mind, will make up for shortfalls in these critical organizational success factors. 

So when planning for organizational success, make sure to build these in from the get-go. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Sexual Harassment No, No, No

So I took this training about sexual harassment etc. 

There were some good general tips for managers confronting these challenging situations:

1) Address it quickly

2) Discuss it privately

3) Specify the problem behaviors

4) Get commitment that it won’t happen again

5) Document what occurred

It’s not rocket science, but thought this was useful guidance. 

Unfortunately, people don’t always behave appropriately, but hopefully, individuals and society as a whole can learn to do much better.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Listen Better, Empathize More

So I am working on myself to improve and be a better person.

Recently, I had a number of experiences with people telling me of some very trying circumstances.

And at first, I found myself listening and talking to them about it, but then my mind started to get distracted by other things going on and other problems in my life that I needed to deal with.

So after we finished speaking about their respective family, work, and even health problems, I felt that I may have cut off some of these conversations too early or without enough empathy. 

After clearing my head, I thought to myself, I really want to listen better and empathize more. 

And so I went back and did just that. 

I found each person (in person, by phone, or email), and I said that I felt sorry for what they were going through, and I asked more questions and tried to really just be in the moment and there for them.

They seemed to each really appreciate me taking the time and effort to come speak with them and that I cared. 

I know that I am human and make mistakes, but I want to continually grow and do better in life. 

In this case, listening better and empathizing more–it felt great and I learned to listen to my conscience and do more when I think it’s right! 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Nothing Personal

There’s this funny line that some managers use with their employees.

It’s when they harshly criticize, pick on, or even bully their hard working and good people.  

What do they say when they do it:

“It’s nothing personal.”

Ha, that’s sort of funny, but really it’s sad. 

I asked an executive colleague about this and this is what they profoundly said:

“It’s my favorite line when the boss says it’s nothing personal. Of course it’s personal. Is there anyone else in the room!”

When people misuse/abuse their power to hurt others whether at work or even in other situations like with small children or anyone else in a subordinate position:

– That’s not business.

– That’s not professional.

– That’s not being a good human being.

People are not punching bags because someone else is having a bad day. 

We need to rise above the occasion and be better than that. 

It’s better to be humane, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent. 

And not just because someday, we are all in that position where someone bigger is facing off against us.

But rather we need to behave kindly to others, because they too are G-d’s children and our brothers and sisters, and it is the absolutely the right way to behave–whether it’s business or personal. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Good Face, Ugly Mask

So many faces, so much phoniness. 

Why can’t we just deal with genuine people?

Not like the dummies in this picture. 

Everyone seems to put on a face. 

One person comes in the room, puts on a big smile and then drops it like you do your pants in the bathroom (excuse the comparison).

But it’s just so wax!

Another person is talking it up, but you can see just under the thin veneer, they are a boiling powder keg ready to go off. 

Faces are for expression–to feel and to share. 

However, they are used to deceive and fool the world around them.  

Is it a face or a mask.

What’s behind it–good or evil?

If you don’t look past the superficial then you are the real dummy.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Potty Mouth Award

So I had to laugh when I saw this Potty Mouth “work of art” award. 

And it had a real potty in it too!

It reminded me of some foul-mouthed, but fun-spirited colleagues who actually used to keep a scorecard in the office with tick marks for each occurrence of cursing by person.

Let’s just say that there were some clear winners on this account.

In many cases, they did it as a vent for all the frustration at work and also because they thought it was funny. 

I remember my dad who was very religious and he used to say jokingly and with a big smile:

“Don’t use that f*ckin language with me!”

Growing up as a Jewish kid even from the Bronx, it was never really an issue for us.

Although even I have to admit that sometimes hearing someone get really angry and spewing off like that–while not appropriate, it does let you know where their head is at–at least for that moment in potty time.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)