On Time Is Late

Smart saying I heard today on time management:

Early is on time.
On time is late.
Late is unacceptable.

Having grown up in a very precise environment,  I can certainly appreciate this. 

Seriously, from a Yekke (Jewish German background), we were taught to be 15 to 30 minutes early–i.e. on time–for everything. 

I remember starting to get “little” reminders to get ready and get out the door well in advance and numerous times before the clock struck. 

Fashionably late or any other type is not in the vocabulary and frankly is a complete f*ckin insult. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Tarzan Confronts Jane

Thought this was pretty funny.

I went to the gym to do some lifting. 

And low and behold, someone had left this funny message:

“Dear Tarzan,
Please put the heavy weights back so I can move the bar up and down.”
Thank you,
Jane”

How creative a message was that!

Tarzan and Jane, nice sense of humor. 

Effectively asks for what she wants–put away the weights when you’re done!

Is polite about it–please and thank you.

Must’ve worked because the bar was unencumbered and moving up and down fine, and there was no leftover heavy weights to be found. 

A little thoughtful note can go a long way. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Smelt It Dealt It

As kids, there always used to be someone who would run around holding their nose, and yelling at the smallest sign of someone’s flatulence…Eew!

In turn, the other kids would all chime in: “The person who smelt it, dealt it!”

Might as well push the responsibility where it rightfully belongs–uh, maybe. 

This is what kids do–they are not politically correct in the slightest!

Are adults any better really?

I’ve seen grown men and women start holding their noses and waving their hands in front of their faces when someone is stinking up the local air.

In particular, this happens quite a bit on places like the crowded Metro and elevators…going down. 

People are unforgiving when the air is foul. 

Personally, I am very sensitive to bad smells and hot air–my A/C is running full blast all around the year…even in Winter, seriously!

When I saw this sign in a storefront window that said, “Free Smells,” I thought to myself, gee we got enough smells to last a lifetime, and that’s why fresh air and nature is so appealing to the good ‘ol olfactory senses. 

Free smells…unless it’s fresh flowers or some savory dish to eat–you can have it–free or not, I frankly don’t give a damn.  

My personal belief is that an odor is far more likely to cause you a gag sensation than put a refreshing smile on your ugly face. 

Good etiquette, keep your smells to yourself. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Bathroom Etiquette 101

So I was out and about and needed to go to the bathroom.

I stopped at a local store where I was and asked if I could please use theirs.

They were nice (not all stores are) and said yes. 

Inside the bathroom on the tank was this hilarious sign with a jingle reminding patrons about bathroom etiquette, as follows:

“If you sprinkle [heart] when you tinkle [heart] please be a sweety [heart] and wipe the seaty.”

Hey, a reasonable enough request–everyone need to cooperate on these things. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Can’t Find My Dentures

This was a funny sign this morning in the elevator.

Someone found a set of dentures on the table in the lobby!

Uh, what was someone doing taking out their dentures and putting them on a public table in the lobby? 

I remember my beloved Opa (grandfather) who had quite a set of dentures (years ago they couldn’t as readily save people’s teeth as they can today). 

When my sister and I would go over to my Opa and Oma for Shabbat lunch after synagogue, and sometime right before Birchas Hamazon (grace after meals), my grandfather would invariably end up taking out his dentures and we would all laugh together at how silly those things looked. 

But thank G-d for those dentures, beause I don’t know how people would eat solid food or smile a non-gummy smile without them. 

Of course, I hope whoever lost their dentures in the lobby isn’t going crazy searching for them, sees the lost and found sign, and claims them soon. 

Anyway, can you imagine going down to the lobby and seeing someone’s false teeth just laying there randomly on the table or when they go to the front desk to claim their lost dentures, and the person behind the desk says, “Well Sir (or Madam), can you put them in your mouth and prove that they are yours?” 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Most Troubling Sign

I took this photo at a bathroom outside a local facility around Washington, D.C.

This truly is one of the most troubling signs I think you can find, especially when you have to do your thing. 

Why you can’t use the bathroom, even if you say pretty please, I don’t know.

But I would say, Mr. Toilet here should put his hands down and let people in–for use and not abuse. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

I Like To Be Clean!

This was funny but in a gross type of way.

Bathroom doorknobs are notorious for being germy.

In this case, there was a little bit of tissue paper that someone left on the knob–I know ick!

Apparently someone got fed up with the grossness of this, so they put up a sign–it says:

“I have been here for two weeks. Can you clean me? It like to be clean!”

But that’s not all.

A day later, the note was gone, but that little piece of grossness was still there.

Howie Mandel, please help us! 😉

Smellicious

This past week in the office we had an etiquette offense.

Someone had some lunch that was smell-eeeee!

The whole suite was reeking from it.

First one person runs up to me as I enter the suite and says, “Did you smell it?”

Just getting over a cold, I say innocently, “Smell what?”

Then as I head down the hall, even the sniffles doesn’t protect me from whatever’s been cooking in lunch-land.

Ick–it’s like a combination of day old leftovers that have been warmed over with a foul fishy smell combusting the whole work area.

Next, I see one guy running around the cubicles with a air freshener–spraying and spraying–everywhere.

Followed by a lady, with a similar aerosol, sticking her head in the offices and giving a spritz or two or three.

Colleagues were gathering to discuss the stink and venture guesses as to who the culprit was that would invoke such horror in the office.

Jokes and mild-mannered innuendoes followed to sort of lighten the mood of the folks that had been working extra hard the last few months.

The stick stunk for almost 24-hours, but despite the bad smell in the air, the gregarious mood made up for it–as it was just another event we could bond around–the smell, the sights of the people running around with air fresheners, and the good-natured ridicule on who would offend and break the professional code of conduct–and leave everyone gasping for breath. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

What’s Diplomacy Anyway?

This was a humorous engraved stone that I found in a gift shop today.

It is a Concord “Words From The Wise,” engraved paperweight, crafted in England.

Diplomacy is generally associated with negotiation, persuasion, consideration, tactfulness, etiquette, and respect. However, this engraved paperweight has a little bit of a different view of it–“The art of letting someone have it your way.”

Diplomacy has traditionally been differentiated from the use of military power in that diplomacy relies on “soft power” (co-opting or winning over cooperation), whereas the military employs “hard power” (coercion). Both are ways of handling relations and resolving conflict.

More recently, some foreign affairs experts have started to use “smart power,” which is situational-based–leveraging alliances and partnerships in some cases and a strong military in others.

In any case, it’s all about working together to bridge differences–and like the “Easy Button” the best way is to maintain a strong relationship, whether you get your way or not. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Howie Mandel Was Right All Along

This was a really funny picture I saw exhorting people to wash their hands.

If you don’t, this little green slime creature is going to come and get you.

It reminded me of the other day heading into the bathroom, and I see this guy coming the other way out of one of the Stalls.

He actually does head to the sink to the wash his hands–he’s in the minority in this country, I understand.

Well the sink is one of the automatic ones and has no faucets.

The guy sticks his hands underneath….nothing.

He starts waving his (dirty) hands…and still nothing.

After the third try…he throws his hands up, looks at me, and says, “Now that’s awkward” and proceeds to walk out the bathroom holding his hands literally at full arms length.

I hoped that he didn’t run into anyone he knows on the way and reached out to shake their hands–because they would’ve gotten a nasty surprise, indeed.

This sign tells it the way it is–sorry folks. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)