Lifeguard Needs A Lifeguard

So I thought this was a funny story the lifeguard told me.


The guards are required to renew their lifeguard certification every two years. 


When I asked if he swims, he said “not regularly” and then when I asked if he exercises, he said half-jokingly: “I sleep, eat, and drink!”


But then he told me about the lifeguard exam and a couple of people who should’ve never been taking the test. 


One lady gets waist deep into the pool, and the proctor tells the lady to swim to the other side of the pool and back. Instead of swimming, she starts crying hysterically that she doesn’t know how to swim!


Another guy was swimming funny with his arms flailing and his butt out of the water. When the proctor asked him what was up with that and to show him what was hiding under his trunks, the guy showed him that he was wearing an inflatable plastic band under his pants. 


Fail, fail, fail–these are life endangering guards, NOT “lifeguards!”  😉


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Nike Is A National Disgrace

Nike recalled their sneakers from retailers with the Betsy Ross American Flag.


And they did it right before Independence Day this Thursday.


NIKE is a national disgrace!


Nike, should be standing strong to proudly display the American Flag, but rather they are like the Evil Axis, Iranians, that put it on the heel of their shoe–step on it and spit on it.


This is what we get as a nation when patriotism is turned on it’s head, and people that want to bring down this country and destroy it are instead elevated as spokespeople and even fraudulent politicians for it.


Who would’ve thought after 9/11 that America would self-destruct from enemies within rather than from without. 😦


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

To BE Corruption FREE

corruption

Amazing, they were advertising this in downtown Washington, D.C.:

“A Government Free of Corruption”


Wouldn’t this just be completely miraculous!


WE HAVE A DREAM:


– No lies and spin


– No deception and manipulation


– No public and private faces


– No collusion and cheating


– No hidden agendas and backroom dealings


– No hate, bias, and divisiveness


– No denigrating, name-calling, and character assassination


– No bribery and pay to play


– No intimidation, payback, and shadow government


– No self entitlement and self enrichment


– No fraud, waste, and abuse

Imagine instead, if integrity was the essence of good leadership.

Today, in synagogue, the weekly Torah portion was Genesis–where as we all know, G-d created the heavens and the earth. 

Genesis 1:2 “Now the earth was chaos and void” (in Hebrew “tohu va-bohu”).

The bar-mitzvah boy, in his speech, joked about how his first 13-years of life growing up was very much tohu va-bohu (chaos), but he was hopeful that with his wonderful parents guiding him, he would get on track and pay more attention to his schoolwork, all the details, and not rush through things. 

I thought to myself, there are probably a lot of people even in their 30s, 40, and 50’s whose life was still tohu va-bohu, but that doesn’t mean we can’t emulate G-d and still create something wonderful from all the chaos, right? 

Similarly in the tohu va-bohu chaos of Washington politics, where nearly 80% of the electorate believe that we are going in the wrong direction, it’s not too late to continue make something great that we can all be proud of.

In the Wall Street Journal today, Peggy Noonan described a recent focus group led by Democratic pollster, Peter Hart, where all 12 voters (Democrats, Republicans, and Independents) unanimously and sadly agreed that “America was off track.” 

In fact, one person wisely intimated that things seemed to go off track with 9/11 and “never quite recovered.”  Unfortunately, more than the World Trade Center came down in America that fateful day. 

But it’s not the first time in history that things have been tohu va-bohu, and perhaps it’s okay…that why G-d teaches us things can change for the better…order and sense and progress can be made to rise from all the chaos.

The good news is still out there, “And G-d said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

{{{Democracy BERNS}}}

Fire Extinguishers

There is a fire that even these many fire extinguishers cannot put out, because it is our very democracy that is under attack and aflame. 


If secrecy, lies, perjury, corruption, and end-runs around the law weren’t enough…now, we have the ultimate in democratic corruption.


Hacked emails from the Democratic Party show election rigging, collusion, and corruption at the highest levels


Emails document how DNC party officials questioned about:


“Whether they should raise doubts about the Sanders campaign.”


One senior official says:

“Wonder if there’s a good Bernie narrative for a story, which is that Bernie never had his act together, that his campaign is a mess.”


Another official stated:


“Does he believe in a G-d. He had skated as saying that he has a Jewish heritage. I think I read he is an atheist. This could make several points difference with my peeps [people].”


Even Sanders’ campaign manager said that the emails showed that party officials were:


“Planting negative stories about him with religious leaders in various states [to rig the election towards the former First Lady].”


This is a clear case of conspiracy–and I do not use this word lightly–where the election was being steered by a corruption-infected system towards a certain candidate denying the actual will of the people and their rightful candidate choice.


Ah, so much for a fair and just democracy.


The Democratic National Convention starts on Monday, and it looks like they will be celebrating their corruption not only in terms of a system rigged with superdelegates, but where collusion and political narrative thrive and the political opposition, Bernie Sanders, never even had any chance, let alone a fair and democratic one. 


Where is the accountability of these officials–are they too above the law as is their candidate.


No candidate for election should have a tacit nod of consent and support from officials and definitely should not be put in place when not in line with the will of the people!


We do not live in a dictatorship, in totalitarianism, in fascism–or perhaps, we most sadly do. 


It is incredible hypocrisy that we send election monitors around the globe to police and ensure fair elections, but here at home, we can’t seem to effectively police our own system for fairness. 


The election for president in the exemplary democracy of the world, the U.S.A, should not have the powerful, the elites, the 1%, control who is elected to office.


The situation has gone from bad to worse with serious allegations of:

– Vanishing global moral “red lines” 

– Shady deals with our sworn “Death To America” enemies

– Laughter at murderous terrorist attacks

– Shutting of the eyes at the killing of police officers

– Money-laundering from private foundations

– Private servers exposing state secrets

– Election rigging


These are a treachery and a desertion of our very democracy, and unfortunately the fire of corruption is still burning in our beloved America while the convention just begins. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

I’m Telling You They’re Really New

Swim Fins

So I ordered a pair of swim fins to replace a pair that recently ripped in the pool. 


I went online and ordered a brand NEW pair. 


A few days later, the fins arrive in an envelope (no box). 


Already sort of terrified at what I will find in this strange bag, I slowly open it up, and find a completely disgusting dirty, scuffed, USED pair of fins with no tags or packaging


Ew…I am so grossed out and contact the vendor right away to return these, but instead of customer service, I got a boat load of b.s. and chutzpah.


They made a million excuses, tried to make me feel bad, and basically refused to provide for a return, saying that the product is not really used, that it just got dirty in the mail and on the trucks and all, and I just have to clean them off a little!


When I question them about why there was no box or packaging, they say, “Oh that, well we take it out of the box, so we can ship it more cheaply for you


I said, “What right do you have to take it out of the packaging when I ordered it new–maybe I want the packaging or need to give the item as a gift?”


Then they go on to give me an ear-full about about the high cost of shipping and that I should thank them for removing the packaging to the keep costs down (but the problem is that they were trying to keep costs down in more ways than one here). 


They continue to berate me as well about how I should be more understanding as to the dirt and scuff marks, since it’s no big deal, because when I put it in the pool, the water and the chlorine will wash it off and kill all the germs anyway!


After patiently taking this abuse for a while, I went online and saw that others had the same experience with this merchant–getting sent used goods in the mail that had been advertised and paid for as new.  


Now I had had it up to HERE, and I promptly did my duty and went online to give them an appropriate customer review to help others from getting cheated like this in the future. 


Guess what happens next? 


They email me to tell me that they took note of my feedback and not that they are sorry about what happened and want to fix it, but that “We will never ship to you again.” 


My wife explodes laughing…mwahahahahaha–like who would ever want to go back and do more business with these crooks. 


People are absolutely crazy out there.


Caveat emptor (buyer beware) a million times.  😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Say It And They Believe It

Anti-Terror Device

This was pretty funny in Starbucks. 

This guy comes in with a briefcase and sets in down on the table. 

He opens it up and proceeds to take out an electronic device–turns out it’s his laptop computer. 

But on the briefcase, there is a label that says:

POWERFUL ANTI-TERROR DEVICE INSIDE.”

So everyone is looking like there really is something to this.

You can almost tangibly feel them wondering what the heck type of device is this that he is carrying…it must pack a real punch!

Then one person near me, bends over sideways, and whispers in my ear…”Does he really have a powerful anti-terror device inside?”

Like I look as if I’m in the know on these things!!! 

I lean back over in the other direction to the other person and whisper back, “No, I’m pretty sure that it’s just a gag…the guy must be looking for some serious attention.”

And all of sudden, it’s as if all the heads around me start to nod, like I stated some amazing insight here or perhaps that they somehow knew it all along. 

Anyway, it’s incredible what people will believe…if you just state it (in an official way, of course) on your briefcase, a badge, on your forehead or wherever, it’s got to be true, because we are so gullible and willing or wanting to believe. 

Yes, I believe! I believe!  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Burning The Evidence

Transparency

This is a brillant funny advertisement that was displayed on the Metro in Washington, D.C.


“If I burn the evidence, those donuts never happened.”


This as astute marketing for a fitness facility.  


Burn baby, burn (calories that is)!


But in Washington, D.C. (and at times for fiduicary duty bound Wall Street), where transparency is supposed to rule the day–but often doesn’t as we know–this resonates in a whole other way for a class of political and wealthy elites as well as for a host of criminals. 


Bad things (fraud, waste, abuse, and stupid mistakes)–uh, they never happened if there is no evidence to prove it.  


Like the tree that falls in the woods that no one hears…it’s as if it never fell. 


Also, is there a habit of perhaps punishing the innocent in order to protect those that are really guilty? — That never happens too, right? 


But G-d knows what really happened, and often somehow, someway the truth does get exposed (whether by savy investigative journalists, Congressional or court inquiry, brave innocents that come forward, or some bad people getting caught up in their own jumble of lies and deceit).  


As Judge Judy says, “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.” 


Or more in line with the ad, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)