Lifeguard Needs A Lifeguard

So I thought this was a funny story the lifeguard told me.


The guards are required to renew their lifeguard certification every two years. 


When I asked if he swims, he said “not regularly” and then when I asked if he exercises, he said half-jokingly: “I sleep, eat, and drink!”


But then he told me about the lifeguard exam and a couple of people who should’ve never been taking the test. 


One lady gets waist deep into the pool, and the proctor tells the lady to swim to the other side of the pool and back. Instead of swimming, she starts crying hysterically that she doesn’t know how to swim!


Another guy was swimming funny with his arms flailing and his butt out of the water. When the proctor asked him what was up with that and to show him what was hiding under his trunks, the guy showed him that he was wearing an inflatable plastic band under his pants. 


Fail, fail, fail–these are life endangering guards, NOT “lifeguards!”  😉


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Relax, It’s Just Sex

Just thought this was a really funny-sad display in the window of this store in Tel Aviv. 


It says:

Relex It’s Just Sex

Forget that Relax is spelled wrong. 


But advertising for sexual items in such a casual way…like it’s sex and what’s the big deal.


Maybe I am old school, where sex actually meant a deep personal relationship and emotional intimacy. 


…Where you partner was also your spouse and best friend.


Now–unfortunately–it’s just sex!


I think as a society that we have lost something here. 


…Something important. 


If it’s just sex, and it’s just with anyone, then what does that leave for us with that someone truly special in our lives? 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When The Wires Get Crossed

So the flight coming back from Israel was technologically challenged. 


I’m sitting toward the front of the plane…more room, that’s good.


But there are a bunch of families with small children and babies…and that ends up being bad. 


The flight attendants bring out this contraption to hook up a crib device to a front wall of the plane for the parents to put the baby in to sleep. 


But there ends up being one small problem.


The overhead lights are seriously messed up.


This passenger with the baby tries to use his button next to his seat to turn the bright reading lights off–this is like row 10 or something. 


But when he hits the lights off button–instead the lights go off in row 22. 


And they stay on in his row keeping his baby awake and crying virtually the whole flight.


The stewardesses are going crazy trying to figure out where the “wires got crossed” here. 


When they go to row 22 and ask them to turn off their lights–thinking maybe that will turn off the lights in row 10 that is keeping the baby up and crying–but instead that turns off the lights further in the back of the plane in row 30-something. 


This was a really bad comedy going on this plane.


The baby keeps crying and crying.


The stewardesses keep running around trying to figure out how to get the lights working where they are supposed to be working.


And the parents are frustrated as hell trying to calm the baby and get some rest on this lengthy, cross-ocean flight. 


Needless-to-say, all the other passengers trying to get some rest weren’t thrilled at this ridiculousness going on.


The plane got us home, but the electrical system didn’t inspire any confidence and kept the baby (and us) up almost the entire flight. 


When you think that this was just the lights–oh boy!  


Because what if the wires had gotten crossed between something important like the accelerator and the brake instead?  😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Ever Feel Like You’re Target Practice

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Thought this was really spot on.


The knives get sharpened and readied. 


At some point, they come flying out of nowhere. 


Often, from all directions at the same time.  


When it rains, it pours. 


Some people latch on to the opportunity to try and make a kill. 


You do your best to duck this way and that and survive the onslaught.


Hopefully, you were adequately prepared. 


The big question is–can you hold unto your cheese? 


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Folks Hating Folks

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It’s sad how everyone is always fighting about everything.


And hating on each other…


Someone told a funny story the other day about this:

“She don’t like her.
He don’t like him.
And the supervisor says, I don’t like none of y’all, now get back to work!”


At the end of the day, we’re all different, and we’re all sort of the same. 


Maybe we have to look past the petty stuff, and learn to get along and get things done! 


At the end of the day, we’re all better off loving and getting it reciprocated–and so on and so on. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Check The Clock

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So it should be so easy…


We manage time by the hours and minutes–and moments of life. 


This sign was hilarious though:

Breakfast 6 am – 10 am
Lunch 11 am – 2 pm
Dinner 4 pm – 7 pm
We are here to serve you any time.

Really, if you’re here to serve us any time, then isn’t that mean around the clock–24/7–and not just the total 10 hours listed?


What a ridiculous contradiction!


It reminded me of another crazy story of the person who when you ask what time it is, they tell you how to make the watch.


Yes, the point has definitely been missed by the other person.


Their explanation may be very detailed and even accurate on how to make a watch, but frankly they missed the point altogether, which was simply what time is it!


We need to pay attention to our communications and be honest and actually say what it is, and not beat around the 24-hour bush. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

How Men And Women Sit

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This was funny-sad on the train in Washington, D.C. 


This couple–a man and women–are sitting together. 


The man (on the right) is completely sprawling out.


The women (on the left) is squishing almost off the seat.


So what is it with men–a testosterone, macho thing–exerting sexuality, power, and dominance–or it is just carelessness and callousness in how to treat women?


For women–is it reticence and modesty or are they accepting being mistreated or even abused? 


People’s weight aside, it seems that men and women should each be given their own and equal space on the Metro or otherwise in life. 


This presumed gender power struggle is not a good thing–love should be equal in feeling, giving, and in time, and space. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)