Life In The Times of Coronavirus

I heard my daughter laughing from another room.


A real hearty bellyaching laugh. 


Then she came in and shared a WhatsApp post from one of her friends which said:

I ate 11 times and took 5 naps and I woke up and it’s still today!

Then I couldn’t stop laughing. 😉


(Credit Graphic: Andy Blumenthal)

The Dog Diet

Funny story from a wonderful relative of mine…made me laugh during this coronavirus outbreak.

——————-

“I interrupt the COVID-19 pandemic to bring you this lil story…

Last night I went to Sam’s Club to buy a bag of food for my dogs.


Already in line, a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.


I stare at her (those who know me will imagine my gaze 🤔😳) …but then why would I be buying dog food…right? 😝😝


So on impulse I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but 15 pounds less!

I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry the kibbles in your pocket and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).


Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answered…of course not!

I was admitted because I bent down to smell the butt of a bulldog and I was hit by a truck 😂😂😂

I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack…he was laughing so hard!

…Let’s continue promoting reading! 😁

I have to confess…I posted this to make you smile. It’s your turn to copy/paste it and make someone else laugh.


We need to laugh more! Have a GREAT DAY😄😄😄”


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

 

Cannibals Love To Have You For Dinner

I love this saying from one of my colleagues in the National Security field about the Middle East:

If you aren’t invited for dinner, you’re likely on the menu!

Oh how true it is. 

It reminds me of a mother-in-law joke my father used to tell about this guy telling his friend:

Yeah, we had my mother-in-law for dinner. And boy was she good!

Anyway, no one can tell a joke like he did. 

Last thing you want to be is on the menu. 😉

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Now Dat’s Customer Service

This was a sign that talks to a real customer service orientation:


“Suppose we refund your money.


Send you another one without charge.


Close the store.


And have the manager shot…


Would that be satisfactory?”


Actually no, that’s not good enough!


While you’re at it…


Bow down and kiss my filthy feet.


Flagellate yourself with 40 lashes using a wet noodle. 


Give me a complimentary supply of whatever the crap is I was buying for life.


And after you shoot the manager, hang him from the tallest tree for everyone to get the message.  LOL


Now dat’s customer service!  😉


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Breakthrough Hybrid Car Technology

Saw this photo on Facebook.


Thought this was just too excellent. 


Yes, a new hybrid car.


– The chassis goes one way.


– The passenger compartment goes the other way. 


Was the engineer on hallucinogenics? 


Or perhaps, this is some super secret new technology for easy parallel parking. 


Think about it, if the car is driverless than what difference does it make anyway? 😉


(Source Photo: Facebook)

Is Beer A Color?

So thought this was an interestingly funny flip chart. 


It’s titled “Colors”.


And it has the typical ones you’d expect: blue, red, green, yellow, orange, purple, black, white, grey, brown, and tan. 


But thrown into the mix is beer (and Summer)–maybe these go together! 


Perhaps, someone had a little too much beer when asked about colors.


On second thought, maybe beer is a color.  😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fire Alarm, Now What?

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel, called “Shabbat Menucha.” 

Friday night–the start of the Shabbat–oh, thank G-d we made it (and TGIF). Usually such a wonderful time to catch up on some extra sleep from the whole week of work. But last night it’s different…the fire alarm suddenly comes alive and the voice over the loud speaker tells everyone to exit the building immediately. It is 1:00 AM in the morning.

Carrying a head cold, medicated, and sleepless, this is what happened to me.  😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)