Getting Tefillin Checked

I visited with Rabbi Levy yesterday to get my tefillin checked.

I learned that if there are questions about the legibility of the holy scrolls, they are given to a child to read to see in their innocence whether the tefillin are kosher or not.

Something felt very good and important about performing this mitzvah.

In the meantime, while mine are being checked, I have a loaner pair of teffilin to use and daven with.

Yet to be seen whether it is time for a new pair or not–like a bar mitzvah all over again. 😉

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Best Chicken Lo Mein (Kosher)

Best Chicken Lo Mein (Kosher too!) that I ever had. 

At China Bistro and Sushi in Hollywood, Florida.

Order the extra chicken for a couple of bucks.

Well worth it!

 

Steaming hot from the wok. 

And don’t forget to make it extra spicy!  😉

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Kosher Cheeseburger, Finally

So I’ve never had a cheeseburger. 

I keep kosher. 

And we don’t mix milk and meat together.

Tough watching all the fast food commercials from McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s, and more. 

So lo’ and behold, my surprise when they introduced the kosher cheeseburger.

It uses the Impossible Burger made from plants–and it’s advertised as having more protein, less fat, no cholesterol, and fewer calories than meat. 

So we got two bags of food from Goldberg’s bagels. 

One bag had breakfast with bagels and egg salad. 

The other bag had the kosher cheeseburgers for lunch (after the morning’s activity)

We ate the egg salad bagels and they were good. 

But we were really looking forward to the cheeseburgers. 

Finally, after all these years of waiting…

But what happens, Dossy threw out the garbage from breakfast and…

She accidentally threw out the Impossible Burgers with it. 

So when we got back to the car, salivating for the cheeseburgers…

We look in the front, in the back, in the compartments–and nothing!

It’s gone!  It’s all gone!

No freakin cheeseburger for me. 

Not then, not now, and I’m afraid not ever.  😦

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Take Your Head Out of My Shopping Cart

So this was funny today at Harris Teeter. 

I’m checking out on the express line with a few things. 

First some tofu.

The lady at the cash register goes:

Hmm.  Healthy!

Then some Meal Mart Buffalo Style Chicken Wings.

Again, the lady at the cash register comments:

Have you tried that?  Is it good?  It looks good!

Politely, I replied:

Yes, they are really good.

At the same time I was feeing smart-alecy, like what the heck, should I open the package on the conveyer belt and let you taste one–right here, right now.   

Sure privacy is a big issue when it comes to technology, social media, and all sorts of surveillance these days

But even when one simply goes to the grocery store–there is the very basic privacy about what one is buying. 

Yes, I see people looking into my cart, with eyebrows raised eyeing my goodies.  I can hear them thinking:

What is he buying?  Is it marked Kosher? (Uh, actually it is!]  That doesn’t seem like a balanced diet!

Another time, the checkout person asked me when I was buying a bunch of something:

Oh, are you having a party? What’s the occasion?

While I appreciate the good-natured banter and people being friendly, it seems more than weird in a way to be discussing what I’m buying, why, and for whom.  

Not quite Big Brother, but maybe that’s the leftover small town feel in our lonely urban and high-tech living.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Green Eggs and Ham – דוקטור סוס

So who would’ve thought that Dr. Seuss’s “Green Eggs and Ham” comes in Hebrew. 

I watched this video, and loved it!

It is amazing that this can translate over.

One critique that I have is that the book should’ve said that the main character didn’t want to eat the green eggs and ham, because he is kosher (instead of not being hungry or not loving the food).  

But then again, he would’ve had to stick to his guns and not have eaten it in the end.

One other thing that I learned from this video/book, is that even though I am loving learning Hebrew in Ulpan class, I still have the vocabulary of a 9 year old.  LOL

But I’m learning… 😉

(Thank you to my daughter, Rebecca for sharing this with me.)

Who Is More Religious?

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called, “Being Super Duper Kosher.”

Of course, I am sure many good people are trying to do the right thing and genuinely practice to be better servants of Hashem. However, this should never become an excuse to use religious practices to misguidedly “compete”–hurt or shame–and somehow “one up” their neighbor’s religiosity or status as fellow Jews. That would be to erroneously think that G-d can’t see all His children as good and deserving in their own ways, even though the creator can certainly see what is in the heart and in the doings of all of us.

Hope this resonates with many of you who are kosher but feel unfairly (mis)judged by all the latest variations these days. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Worst Passover Cake Ever

So this has got to be the worst Passover cake ever. 

It’s definitely not kosher for Pesach. 

Not only is it made from chametz, but it’s shaped like a chazer (i.e. pig) too.

This thing would be conceptually treyf even on the best of non-Passover days. 

Does it have lard too? 

I don’t know for sure, but would it really be a pig cake if it didn’t!

This lousy cake doesn’t even have an ounce of chocolate in it–have you ever heard of a genuine dessert that tastes like the calorie count it adds up to be without chocolate? 

I’ve heard of the callous calling people a pig for eating too much cake and being fat, but making the oink oink face directly on the cake itself–and on Passover–is not only insulting, but at $28.95, it’s overpriced too. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fortune Cookie Generator

Ok, this is a most interesting fortune cookie:

“If your cookie still in one piece, buy lotto.”

Hmm, what cookie is this referring to?  And why should I buy lotto?

So I start to think that this is likely a computer-generated garbage fortune–i.e. the artificial intelligence makes no f*ckin sense! 

Anyway, you will be fascinated to know that the modern fortune cookie with the paper fortune inside the hollow of the cookie was invented in California.

However, the Japanese put something like this in the bend of the cookie already in the 19th century. 

Using this fortune as an example, I have this gnawing feeling that the Japanese fortunes had a lot more intellectual substance to them. 

Anyway, someone tell this lame cookie fortune teller that Lotto is way out and Powerball is in and where the real winnings are. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Kosher Trust Or Not

Here’s the big controversy in our synagogue this week. 

The Rabbi is having a Purim open house and he invited everyone to bring a pot luck.

“Only home-made food, no purchased food please!”

In Jewish circles, this is the opposite of what you’d expect, where checking the kosher labels and symbols is critical to ensuring the food has followed the strict kosher dietary laws and can be eaten. 

Yet as pointed out, kashrut has been made into a whole commercial business these days…does it still reflect the intent?

The Rabbi explained in services today, in a very well received way, that we need to get back to respecting and trusting each other. 

That these values are essential to being truly religious people.

It was a wonderful speech in that it evoked unconditional acceptance and respect for everyone. 

As we know, no one is so perfect, even though the goal of course is to be as perfect as we can be. 

So two things:

1) I really like the notion of treating people well and putting that high on the priorities as we are all G-d’s creatures.

2) I myself am kosher, but not fanatically so, therefore, I personally appreciated the acceptance and love in the community. 

Yet, after I got home, and thinking about this some more, and despite my own failings religiously and otherwise, I asked myself, “Am I really comfortable eating from a parve and meat community pot luck?”

And even as I ask this question, I am sort of squirming at the idea of just eating anyone’s food–and not knowing anything about it. 

How am I doing due diligence in even trying to keep kosher like that?

While maybe I’m not the most kosher of everyone, it certainly is important to me to at least try (to some extent), but I ask myself can this be considered really even trying–when some people aren’t religious, may not have a strong religious education, and perhaps some may not even be (fully) Jewish?

Sure, someone can even have the best intentions and try to bring kosher food, yet it’s certainly possible that the food may not be kosher. 

Perhaps, in prior times, it was an issue of more or less kosher, but these days, it can be an issue of kosher or not kosher at all. 

This is a very difficult issue–because we can’t put people up against the law–we must by necessity respect both. 

So yes, I love the idea of respecting everyone and that’s a given assuming they are good, decent people, but trust is not something you just have, it’s something you earn, by…being trustful!

I’m not one to preach religion to anyone…I struggle myself with the laws and in trying to do what’s right in the commandments between man and G-d. 

And while I am ready to accept all good and loving people, I am perhaps not ready to just trust them without knowing that the trust is dutiful. 

Love thy neighbor as thyself is paramount, but also we have a duty to G-d to try to fulfill his commandments the best we can. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Nourishment For The Soul

So the Rabbi , a Kabbalist of mystical Torah interpretation, told my wife to concentrate on 3 commandments.

1) Shabbat

2) Kosher

3) Going to Synagogue

Today, we had a little delay and almost didn’t make it to synagogue, but my wife said, “Remember what the Kabbalist said about going every week,” so we went even though we were a little late. 

We went to a conservative synagogue today called, B’nai Israel, in Rockville – it was our second time there. 

The services there are so orchestrated down to the tiniest of details…you could tell that a lot of thought, planning, and effort goes into every service. 

I was really impressed at how meticulous they were for example: 

– Explaining everything and even handing out the sources to their Shabbat speech

– Having everyone ready for their part of the service whether leading the prayers, reading the Torah, or making the blessings over the wine and bread (which was already on a cart on the bimah–alter)

– Including a women who read the weekly Torah portion, children who led some of the prayers, an elderly lady who spoke about upcoming events for the Seniors group, and they even sang Hanukah songs in everything from Ladino to Yiddish.  

At the end of the service, we spoke briefly to the Rabbi and thanked him for such a “perfect service,” and my wife commented how he had such a cool radio voice when he leads the congregation (and he really does..like JM (jewish music) in the AM).

After service, I told my wife how happy I was that we made it to synagogue, that is was like nourishment to my spirit and soul for the week.

We have to feed ourselves physically as well as intellectually, emotionally, socially, and of course spiritually.  

Like the fingers on our hand…we need them all to hold unto life itself. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)