Lifeguard Needs A Lifeguard

So I thought this was a funny story the lifeguard told me.


The guards are required to renew their lifeguard certification every two years. 


When I asked if he swims, he said “not regularly” and then when I asked if he exercises, he said half-jokingly: “I sleep, eat, and drink!”


But then he told me about the lifeguard exam and a couple of people who should’ve never been taking the test. 


One lady gets waist deep into the pool, and the proctor tells the lady to swim to the other side of the pool and back. Instead of swimming, she starts crying hysterically that she doesn’t know how to swim!


Another guy was swimming funny with his arms flailing and his butt out of the water. When the proctor asked him what was up with that and to show him what was hiding under his trunks, the guy showed him that he was wearing an inflatable plastic band under his pants. 


Fail, fail, fail–these are life endangering guards, NOT “lifeguards!”  😉


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Andy The Swimmer

This was a cute cartoon that “Anastasia The Lifeguard” doodled of me swimming. 


She captured me doing my laps. 


Enjoying the sunshine.


Breathing in the fresh air. 


Appreciating the beautiful flowers.


Loving the pool and water. 


Thank you so much for this great picture!


(Source Cartoon: the Talented Anastasia)

Jailbird Freedom

So I’m doing laps in the indoor pool.


And out of the corner of my eye, I see this bird swoop in overhead.


But it’s not outside, it’s inside the building enclosure. 


The bird dived in through an open door.


Now it was stuck inside. 


It perched itself on a shelf overlooking the outdoors.


But it was stuck behind the glass walls.


The lifeguard tried to swoop it out with the sticks, brushes, and nets for cleaning the pool.


But this bird wasn’t going anywhere. 


I asked if it was injured or sick.


He said that the bird was scared, which made sense. 


Over and over again, the lifeguard tried to coax the bird out.


Finally, it took flight and headed straight into another glass pane–BONG–and fell down–SPLAT–onto another ledge. 


The lifeguard and I looked at each other — asking whether the bird was still alive or not.


I suggested he call for help, and the advice he was given was just to leave it alone and that eventually, it would find its way out. 


It was time for me to go, but I am still thinking about that trapped bird.


If you love something, you have to let it free.


Everyone and everything should be free (unless they’ve abused that freedom).


Free to come and go, free to express themselves, free to choose, free to act.


Sometimes, when you’re free you run into trouble or into a glass pane.


You need to find your way out and home again to freedom. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

“The Chief”

Chief Taka Zeis and Andy Blumenthal
So swimming in Florida last week, I couldn’t help but think about my years back at Eagle Day Camp.



First as a camper, then counselor, and finally lifeguard at this fairly large Orthodox Jewish children’s camp in Rockland County, New York. 



As a camper, I hated swimming and the smelly, musty, and overcrowded locker rooms.



When I was only about 6-7 already, I told my parents, I would only go to camp, if I didn’t have to swim–after a lot of fuss, I got them to agree.



But years later, I learned to love swimming–the gorgeous outdoors, calming water, and health and therapeutic effects. 



I worked with “The Chief” (Norman Garfield, pictured at left) for many years…he was a radio talk show host and actor, and in camp played the starring role of Chief Taka Zeis, last of the Gutta Neshamah (Yiddish for Good Soul) Tribe.



He entertained the children like no one else could–with made up chants of “Tzitsamagoo!”, his silly outfits (notice the unmatched socks in addition to the feather hat), and to songs like “Let the Sun Shine In,” he was always someone that could be counted on to safely watch the children swim, teach them, and make them laugh. 



One Summer, The Chief, encouraged us (the other lifeguards) to sign up for the Red Cross Swim and Stay Fit program, and I think I swam 20-30 miles in between lifeguarding over about 6-8 weeks. 



Those were some fun times with The Chief and some of my old friends like Mark Stadtmauer, Elissa Rothman (Brodsky), and many others. 



Today, just a few months post hip surgery, I once again appreciate the swimming, and try to go as often as possible for health reasons. 



I am thankful for those years and for the ones granted now. 😉



(Source Photo: Who The Heck Remembers)