I saw this and thought this was a clean version of “Never get into a pissing contest.” 😉
(Credit Video: Andy Blumenthal)
Category Archives: Listening
Wrong and Wrong
I thought this was a funny saying that my friend told me.
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong!
He said that he actually liked it so much that he got a sign with it and put it in his office.
As they say, “Two wrongs don’t make right.”
If you think something is wrong, hold your ground–otherwise no one will be right. 😉
(Source Graphic: Andy Blumenthal)
Confidence Speaks
I found this interesting about communications management.
On one hand, when discussing issues, you want to listen to everyone’s input, and consider all sides.
On the other hand, it’s critical to be competent, confident, and “know what you’re talking about.”
Amos Oz wrote:
Those who hesitate and doubt are convinced by those who are strong-minded.
So it’s an important balancing act:
– Not to be so self-confident that you aren’t listening to others,
– But also not being so unsure and hesitant that you don’t stand behind your values and views.
Confidence speaks, but overconfidence is deaf. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Not Caring or Worse
It’s interesting…
There are a lot of good people out there, but there are probably more in your orbit that simply don’t care or worse.
You can have this problem or that.
If they even “give you the time of day,” people will nod, tell you how sorry they are, and probably relate some of their own misery.
The good people try to see if and how they may be able to help.
The others really don’t want to know, certainly don’t care, and just see you as baggage in the way.
But everyone has their problems!
If only people could look with compassion on each other.
We all struggle with our demons in this world.
Of course, we can’t let troubles get in the way of our doing what we need to do.
But people can make all the difference in just providing a compassionate ear and being willing to open themselves up to understanding others and helping each other or making reasonable accommodations so people can help themselves.
Listen, we all have our day–wouldn’t it be nice to be that person who is kind and generous to others and have others treat us that way too.
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Going Back To Ulpan
So yesterday, I started Ulpan classes to improve my Hebrew language skills (currently, I’m not very skillful with it).
It was 2.5 hours and it was such a joy for me and my wife and one of my daughter to have the wonderful opportunity to participate in this.
It wasn’t like in Yeshiva where we focused on learning the Biblical and prayer book Hebrew, and on Aramaic from the Talmud, but was more focused on modern-day conversational Hebrew.
I loved learning and speaking the words, for example to describe a large cosmopolitan city like Tel Aviv.
We also listened to recordings of others speaking, read the text, and learned verbs.
It reminded me of my mom, who also used to love to take Ulpan, and carried around her notebook with the Hebrew words and their translation and the many descriptive verbs–she was so happy learning and practicing.
Given my horrible language skills, it was funny for me that I was asked if I wanted to join the advanced class…ah, no! (or at least not yet…)
While so many languages (and cultures) have died over the ages, Hebrew and the modern State of Israel is a complete revival–it’s truly miraculous!
There were people in the class from Asia, South America, and all over the world!
And from all the people there, I felt a tremendous love not only for the language, but for the land of Israel, and the Jewish people.
I wish like this beautiful language we all embraced, everyone could love and not hate us anymore!
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Me Myself and I
I thought this was really fascinating about how we interact with others.
It’s a theory by Martin Buber called the I-Thou relationship.
In every relationship, there are really 6 people in the room:
– Who I am.
– Who I want to be.
– Who I am perceived as.
———–
– Who they are.
– Who they want to be.
– Who they are perceived as.
———-
Taking about a break between reality, fantasy, and perception.
Is it any wonder that there are so many communication breakdowns and relationship disappointments.
We need to coalesce around a unified persona of I and thou–and if we don’t know, perhaps we need to ask for clarification.
We don’t want to talk past each other.
We want to talk to and work with each other.
I am me and you are you. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Listen Better, Empathize More
So I am working on myself to improve and be a better person.
Recently, I had a number of experiences with people telling me of some very trying circumstances.
And at first, I found myself listening and talking to them about it, but then my mind started to get distracted by other things going on and other problems in my life that I needed to deal with.
So after we finished speaking about their respective family, work, and even health problems, I felt that I may have cut off some of these conversations too early or without enough empathy.
After clearing my head, I thought to myself, I really want to listen better and empathize more.
And so I went back and did just that.
I found each person (in person, by phone, or email), and I said that I felt sorry for what they were going through, and I asked more questions and tried to really just be in the moment and there for them.
They seemed to each really appreciate me taking the time and effort to come speak with them and that I cared.
I know that I am human and make mistakes, but I want to continually grow and do better in life.
In this case, listening better and empathizing more–it felt great and I learned to listen to my conscience and do more when I think it’s right! 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
What Women Want From Men
So I was talking to this nice gentleman.
He was telling me that he lost his wife of over 27 years to cancer–this happened over 15 years ago.
And since then, he had a girlfriend who recently broke his heart and married someone else.
I felt really bad and sorry for this nice man–who is always so friendly and intelligent.
He says to me:
“Over the years, I’ve learned what women want from men.”
I ask him inquiringly:
“And what is that?”
He’s obviously glad that I asked, and he proceeds to tell me:
“Women want two things: curiosity and security.”
Not understanding what he means by the first one, I ask:
“What do you mean curiosity?”
He looks intently at me and says:
“Women want to talk, and they want to know what’s going on.”
He explains to me that if you talk and be a good listener to women and provide (your part) materially in a stable relationship with them–they will be happy and you will be happy.
This is sort of the “Happy wife, happy life” idea that I’ve heard before.
Listen, even at this stage in my life, with a wife and two lovely daughters, I can still learn something about what makes women happy…teach me the pearls of wisdom and I will learn it well. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
The All-Knowing (Not)
Check out this guy’s shirt:
“Those who think they know EVERYthing
annoy those of us who do.”
What would make this grown man put this handwritten sign on his shirt like this?
It’s funny some people really do think they know everything.
And they are the hardest and most annoying people to listen to, because their pompous arrogance blinds them to what others think, feel, and have to say.
The only way to really know many different things is to learn from others and then incorporate that into your brain matter.
Progress (societal and self), including thinking, is incremental–that’s why education is so important!
No one (except G-d, of course) knows everything, but everyone knows something.
So we can learn from everyone!
Don’t fear other’s people knowledge, skills, and abilities–we are a community and we really only work well when we function together.
It’s like on most of the survival shows I’ve seen–one or two people (even those highly trained) fail miserably at long- (or short-) term surviving, because “it takes a village!”
Overall, I like my father’s humble version on life much better:
“I know nothing and I can prove it.” 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Conflict – Resolution or Escalation
So I thought this was interesting on the cause of conflict.
There are four main parts:
1) Deprivation – You believe that someone is depriving you of something you need or want. This could be something physical like money, or an object or it could be inanimate such as love or respect. The feeling of deprivation is anchored in a real or perceived feeling or being deprived of access to resources or the imbalance who has those resources.
2) Name – You identify the person you feel is causing you this deprivation.
3) Blame – You blame them for their role in causing you harm.
4) Claim – You justify the accusation by anchoring it in a claim that the other person has violated some social norm such as taking something that doesn’t belong to them or violating an agreement you have with them and so on.
As the conflict comes to a head, it is clear that people are feeling hurt, that there is a desire to correct the situation, and that you are going to confront the (perceived) culprit and make your case on why what they are doing is wrong and how it should be resolved.
If you have the wrong person in the cross-hairs, your justification is weak or you’re not telling the whole story (i.e. maybe you played a part or harmed the other person too), or the person just won’t give you a fair hearing and sincerely work with you to resolve it, then the conflict may escalate from here.
Usually, it’s best to listen, empathize, negotiate, compromise, try to be reasonable, and resolve the situation at the earliest point possible.
If there is a greater conflict or risk to either party involved, then heels may get dug in and all avenues to resolving it can be open including legal and even all out war.
Conflict is no game, but in some cases it may be unavoidable–and then the ramifications can be earth shattering.
What to do when you’re in a conflict situation? Think before you act, and then think again.
Ultimately, peace is one of the greatest of blessings. 😉
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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