The 11th Commandment

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called, “The 11th Commandment.”

How many times do I hear about fellow Jews trying to “out-frum” (i.e. be holier than thou) other Jews: whether it’s in terms of Kashrut, Shabbat or even who stayed up the latest for the Passover Seder. Recently, when it came to coronavirus, I was more than a little shocked to read that someone actually attributed the disease to it being a punishment from G-d because women’s skirts are not being worn long enough. While certainly it’s good to be introspective and there is a strong concept of reward and punishment in Judaism, there is something about us Jews where we tend to want to go a little more and a little farther. In some cases, we are doing “hiddur mitzvah” (beautification of the Mitzvah) which is praiseworthy, but in other cases, we may be adding unnecessary “chumras” (i.e. stringencies) than can backfire religiously. My unequivocal preference is to follow my father’s teaching to me of the Rambam’s “Shvil Ha’zahav” (i.e. the golden path) and not go too far to the left or to the right, but keep a healthy middle of the road approach to life.

In the end, the number of commandments are what they are, and with 613 throughout the Torah, there is enough to keep us all busy going what is right with G-d and our fellow man. While we may like to overachieve in our careers, our education, and our pedigrees, it is not necessary to try to outdo each other religiously. Religion is a matter between us and Hashem and G-d knows what is in our hearts and counts up all our deeds according to His holy Torah with nothing added and nothing subtracted.

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Story About Dressing Modestly

One of my good friends told me a funny story.

The friend of his daughter was wearing one of those cropped shirts which expose the belly.

She said that her dad told her to throw a party for her clothes, so that her shirt could meet her shorts.

I guess all dads worry about the modesty of their daughters.

This was a good tznius story that hammers home the point and is also pretty funny. 😉

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Longest Hair

This woman had the longest hair I have ever seen. 

No, not to the shoulders, not to the mid-back, not even to the tush. 

This went almost all the way to the floor. 

It reminded me more of a maim on a horse than of the typical hairdo of a person. 

Anyway, this must be nasty to take care and keep clean. 

Also, can’t imagine having that much hair pulling on my head all the time.  

In Judaism, we say that hair is the crown of a person and it is something that especially women keep modestly when married.

So while hair is nice and beautiful, you can definitely have too much of even a good thing.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Meaning of Silence

Is silence a good thing or a bad thing–what does it really mean?

On the plus or neutral side:

Silence can mean modesty and humility–you withhold speaking out of turn or having a big mouth; you recognize that you don’t know everything and what you do know is not intended to put down or shame others. 

Silence can means secrets and privacy–you don’t say everything; you treat information properly based on need to know and propriety of sharing. 

Silence can mean good situational judgement–that you know prudently when to let others have their say, or when your opinion isn’t really welcome, or when it’s best to just stay below the radar. 

Silence can mean you simply don’t know–and it’s something you need to listen and learn more about rather than speak; it’s why we’re told that we have two ears and one mouth.

Silence can mean that maybe you don’t care about something–why get fired up or “waste your breath” on it when it’s just not your thing.

When can it be a negative:

There was a sign in the local school window that silence means (wrongful) acceptance; that is also something I learned in in the Talmud in yeshiva; if you see something wrong and don’t say or do something, you are (partially) responsible.

Silence can mean fear–perhaps you don’t accept something, but you’re afraid to speak truth or morality to power; you sit silently cowering, when you should stand up tall and speak out. 

Silence may also mean shame–you’ve done something wrong or don’t want others to know something that could make you look bad or put you in jeopardy. 

Silence can mean you are hiding something–it can be that you don’t trust or aren’t trustful; silence at a time when you need to answer or respond can result in suspicion about why you are “holding back,” instead of being forthcoming and truthful.

When to talk and when to remain silent? 

Certainly, “you have the right to remain silent.”

We need to use words with care and intent–to always seek to help and not to hurt. 

Words are so potent–the mouth is perhaps the strongest part of the human body, just like the pen is mightier than the sword. 

That’s why I pray that G-d put the “right words” in my mouth–to be constructive, positive, effective and impactful–to do good as much as possible with words and with silence. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Sexuality Sells Sometimes

So this was the entranceway to a store in Florida. 

As you can see, the center mannequin is set up sitting in not a very modest way for a lady. 

And worse, there is a little boy mannequin situated right next to her. 

It was funny to see people stop to look at this fake sexual scene.

But no amount of sexuality could sell the junk that the store was pushing. 

So strutting your stuff or showing a little skin–or in this case hard plastic–may get the customer’s attention or even in the store.

However, it certainly doesn’t close the deal, although something else here would be better off shut or as my mother-in-law says, “close your yap!” 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Tznius Police

So there is an important concept in Judaism as well as other religions of modesty for the sexes. 

This means appropriately covering up in dress and acting modestly. 

In Hebrew, we call it Tznius!

As kids, I remember the kids used to sing, “Tznius, don’t show you knee-ius.”

It seems like these days, “everything goes,” where extreme sexuality in public and showing off is the rage. 

But as I remember the older generation saying, “Maybe some things are better left to the imagination.”

That doesn’t mean we need to be a bunch of prudes–inhibit or prohibit people from being who they are. 

Freedom means everyone is allowed and has a fundamental right to self-expression. 

But also, people that want to show more restraint and modesty can do that too. 

Perhaps, sometimes things in our society can get a little too superficial, where like and love is only skin deep. 

We forget the inner person and the soul in lieu of momentary pleasures of the flesh. 

I don’t think we need the tznius police to come out and tell us what to do, but rather that we need to be consider people inside and out for what and who they really are. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Improving The Lot and Lives Of Women

I saw this women dancing openly on top of this boat moored to the docks in Florida. 

I don’t know why she was doing this (simply entertainment?) and whether this was completely out of her free choice (or at all coerced), especially while these 2 guys on board apparently leered and even recorded her.

But it made me think that we definitely need to better respect and improve the lot and lives of women in society. 

Yes, beauty is something to be appreciated, but there is also something to be said for modesty and showing proper respect.

Further, while people can be physically attractive, they are not just objects, but rather complex, thoughtful, and productive wonderful human beings.

Each person is a whole world and they bring that to the table of life.

There is much to admire, but women (and men) need to provided every opportunity to break through the glass ceiling and not just dance on it. 😉

(Source Video: Andy Blumenthal)

You Can Take This Niqab And…

So here is the quote of the day (compliments of the Wall Street Journal)…

From a woman fleeing the inhumane treatment in Mosul by ISIS religious terrorists:

“I want to take this niqab and stuff it down the throat of ISIS.”

I’ve now read over and over again how one of the first things the women do, who get away from these ruthless fanatics, is to remove their confining “religious”-mandated garb that covers them so fully and put on normal clothes and be free human beings again.

While I certainly and highly respect women who freely and modestly cover up–especially in marriage–it is abhorrent to violently force women to dress a certain way or make them in any way lessor than or subservient to men. 

The women under ISIS are taught to be ashamed, when they have nothing to be ashamed about!

ISIS and these other radical Islamists that force their distorted version of religion on others goes like this when it comes to women:

“It is permitted to buy her, sell her, and give her away as a gift. They are just a possession and you can do whatever you want with them.”  In their FAQS, they even ask, “Can I have sex with a slave who hasn’t reached puberty?”

Yet, while they are having sex with abducted pubescent and pre-pubescent girls, they force women to stay at home, and they are not allowed to go out unless accompanied by a man (forget education, working, driving or traveling). 

Even at home, “Woman are cautioned to stay away from rooftops, balconies, and windows so they wouldn’t be seen by outsiders.”

And should a women be accused of sex outside of marriage–even when the women are the ones forcibly (gang) raped–they are the ones subject to death by public stoning for their being licentious. 

Are these “religious” fanatics with guns so weak that they fear sexual temptation more than they trust in the bonds of family, personal righteousness, and the ability of people to freely choose right from wrong?

Imagine…as they abduct and enslave women and children, rape them, sell them, and force them into bogus marriages, starve and torture them, these people actually think they are religious. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Matter Of Hair

I saw these ladies crossing the street in downtown DC.

The standout here was obviously the hair!

The girl on the left had Barbie pink hair. 

The one on the right had blond dyed hair with the roots showing. 

And the lady in the middle had two-tone hair, with brown on one side and blond on the other (now that was really different). 

This reminded me of the hippies’ hairstyle in terms of the perhaps rebellious nature of the style. 

In Judaism, I remember learning that hair is like the crown on a person’s head, and for modesty, the custom is for married women to cover their beautiful hair–it is only something that gets shown/shared with her husband as part of their intimacy. 

Hair can say a lot, especially if you are fortunate enough to still have some (lol). 

It can be uncombed and messy like a mad professor’s, finely brushed and cared for like Trump’s, or even transplanted to cover the onset of unwanted bald spots.

Like a horse’s or lion’s mane, hair frame’s a person and can make the plain or even unsightly, more attractive and desirable; at the same time, if not properly cared for and groomed, it can make a person look disheveled and even crazy.

Of course, hair is just what tops off the person and is only skin deep, so looks (including hair) can be defining or oh, so deceiving.

Hair or hairless, groomed or gross–it’s a reflection and a statement of how we’re looking to each other. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Modesty And Privacy Of Body and Information

So modesty and privacy is very important in terms of propriety and security.

Both are intimately connected. 

Already as children, we learn not to show or talk about our “privates” to others. 

And as adults, we understand that there are certain things about ourselves that we don’t just talk about or divulge to others indiscriminately. 

Not being discrete with these and showing either your private parts or your personal information can get you in a load of trouble by giving others the opportunity to take undue advantage of you. 

Both open you up to be ridiculed or even raped of your person or information identity. 

That which is yours to use with others in propriety is instead disclosed for taking out from your control and for use against you. 

Security demands modesty of body and of information, and if not taken seriously, then no amount of lame covering will keep that which is private from public consumption. 😉