Stone Faces Hide The Heart

Some people are so cold and emotionally distant.

They go around with a stone face.  

No emotion seems to seep in or out. 

The face doesn’t betray the heart in any way. 

You say something or do something, and they just sort of stare at you. 

No words, no outward response. 

Just a stone face like a poker face. 

You don’t know what’s behind it. 

But worse yet is a heart of stone–nothing impacts the inside just like the outside. 

Are some people this way because they have been so hurt in the past that they become hardened like a turtle’s shell to protect from the outside world. 

…Ain’t gonna let nothing hurt me again. 

Or are they great at using their poker face to fool, manipulate, and get what they are after. 

Perhaps the worst possibility is that they are simply a real psychopath–someone without conscience or empathy. 

Yes, that is scary because the unthinkable becomes thinkable. 

For most of us, reading verbal and non-verbal cues is critical to understanding other people. 

Hiding those cues can mean that the stone face is going to shatter someone’s world and that won’t be a pretty face at all. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Left Handshake Is Right

So I heard about someone misinterpreting something I did for the worse.

Occasionally, when someone tries to shake my hand, instead of shaking with my right hand, I will take their hand in my left. 

I’ll do this for various reasons such as arthritic pain or from dirt (like ink or cleaning ) from some prior work I was doing. 

But always when I extend my hand it is with warmth and friendship. 

However, I learned that one person took this handshake as a serious personal affront. 

They thought that I was “disrespecting” them intentionally.

So I learned that even the most everyday, mundane gestures like a handshake, but done differently, can be taken out of context and misinterpreted. 

Why do we judge others for the bad?

Maybe because we don’t trust, don’t want to ask, don’t want to know, or have had bad experiences in life that jade us. 

But sometimes a handshake is just a handshake whether with the right or left hand. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Good Face, Ugly Mask

So many faces, so much phoniness. 

Why can’t we just deal with genuine people?

Not like the dummies in this picture. 

Everyone seems to put on a face. 

One person comes in the room, puts on a big smile and then drops it like you do your pants in the bathroom (excuse the comparison).

But it’s just so wax!

Another person is talking it up, but you can see just under the thin veneer, they are a boiling powder keg ready to go off. 

Faces are for expression–to feel and to share. 

However, they are used to deceive and fool the world around them.  

Is it a face or a mask.

What’s behind it–good or evil?

If you don’t look past the superficial then you are the real dummy.  😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

It’s What You Can’t Say

So I saw this game called Taboo when doing the grocery shopping today. 

(This one is the Jewish edition.)

Having never played this before, I looked it up and learned that it’s a word game, where you have to give clues to the other team for them to guess a word, but you can’t use the “taboo” words on the card. 

So for example, if the word is baseball, then some of the taboo words may be sport, pitcher, hitter, etc. 

So this is not an easy game per se. 

Thinking about the premise of the game though, I started to reflect that this isn’t just a game, but in real life isn’t so much of our interactions with others not about what we can say, but also the “taboo” things that we can’t.

How many times do you want to tell someone off and explain what a jerk they have been acting lately or say your real feelings on a topic that you may feel passionately about, but it’s somehow taboo to get into those things–you don’t want to offend, be “politically incorrect”, or perhaps you just think others may not agree with you or understand your point. 

What do we do? 

We “beat around the bush”–we express our dissatisfaction or disapproval or the opposite, with facial expressions, non-verbal cues, or perhaps we take a deep breath, hold back, or mince our words, so as not to somehow cross a social boundary of some sort. 

We want others to know us, accept us, respect us, and truly like us, but we can’t always really be ourselves fully, because our words or feelings may be seen as taboo. 

In the end, sometimes we’re discreet and “hold our tongue” and occasionally we blurt out what we really think and maybe are proud we did or are sorry for it afterwards–but wouldn’t it be great if we could just be ourselves–without fear or retribution.

It shouldn’t be taboo! 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

So It Really Is A Popularity Contest

Good, Sue Shellenbarger in the Wall Street Journal finally said it…”likability matters more than ever at work.”

Yes, you also need to know your subject matter and be able to perform like a pro, but just that alone is not enough.

If your a card or a jerk, no one wants to know you.

The old Jewish thinking about being a mensch, first and foremost, still holds true.

“Likable people are more apt to be hired, get help at work, get useful information from others, and have mistakes forgiven.”

Employees also track employees likability on social networks and recruit those who can well represent them and make transformative changes.

What contributes to likability:

1. Be Authentic – an ounce of sincerity is worth more than a boatload of of b.s. — people see right through it.

2. Use Positive Cues – eye contact, smiling naturally, and a warm, varying, and enthusiastic tone make you approachable and believable.

3. Show interest in others – selfishness, narcissism, and I, I, I will get you no friends; show genuine interest in the other person–be cognizant of what’s in it for them–give a damn!

4. Listen – 2 ears, 1 mouth; close the mouth and listen to the other person–don’t just hear them, understand them, empathize, feel something!

5. Find common ground – look for shared interests or commonalities; we can all relate to others with whom we can identify.

Short and sweet, treat others as you would want to be treated (Golden Rule) and it doesn’t pay to be a ass! 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Posture Matters

So the military got it right when they teach their cadets to stand tall “at attention.”

“Chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.”

The Wall Street Journal (21 August 2013) says that “posture can determine who’s a hero, [and] who’s a wimp.”

Research has shown that striking a power pose raises testosterone levels that is associated with feelings of strength, superiority, social dominance, (and even aggression at elevated levels) and lowers cortisol levels and stress.

Power poses or even just practicing these have been linked with better performance, including interviewing and SAT scores.

Body language or non-verbal communication such as standing erect, leaning forward, placing hands firmly on the table, can project power, presence, confidence, and calmness.

It all ties together where saying the right thing is augmented and synergized by looking the right way, and doing the right thing. 😉

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Official U.S. Navy Imagery)

Don’t Stampede On Others’ Feelings

I took this picture of a cow stampede when hiking in the mountains.

The cows first came up to us all friendly and then after staying for a little bit, decided to bolt off across the open field.

Together–it was like a mini stampede.

It reminded me of a situation recently, where I felt bad that I had stampeded (albeit inadvertently) on someone’s feelings.

We received a delivery–actually a new couch (the other one we were replacing was really uncomfortable and it was high time to go).

At one point, I was taken a little aback when the delivery man asked me, admiring it–“How much was it?”

Not wanting to really say specifically, I just said nonchalantly, “Oh, not so much.”

But the man pressed on and said, “No really, how much was it?”

I was a little uncomfortable, but I figured he’s just making conversation, and honestly it wasn’t extravagant so I say in a round figure what it was.

Then I see his face go dark, and I realized what had accidentally happened.

It was perhaps a bit much for this nice man (although I really don’t know his situation, but just his facial expression).

Anyway, I felt terrible and proceeded to say something light and then we chatted for a little bit.

I think it is important to feel for all people–trying to make the best with what G-d provides and deal with everyday tests and challenges.

We are all people–and at any moment–what befalls one, can befall anyone, so we must be grateful for each and every blessing, for however long G-d grants it. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Hey, Gesture Like This!

This new gesture-recognition technology from Leap Motionis amazing.”For the first time, you can control a computer in three dimension with your natural hand and finger movements.”

The closest yet to get us to the vision in the movie, Minority Report.

“Leap is more accurate than a mouse, as reliable as a keyboard, and more sensitive than a touchscreen.”

Scroll, pinpoint, pan, play, shoot, design, compose, fly–just about everything you do onscreen, but more in sync with how we generally interact with our environment and each other.

I like when the guy in the video reaches forward and the hands on the screen reach right back at him!

I’d be interested to see how this can be used to replace a keyboard for typing or will it be augmented by a really good voice recognition and natural language processing capability–then we would have an integration of the verbal and non-verbal communications cues.

In the future, add in the ability to read our facial expressions like from a robot and then we may have some real interaction going on mentally and perhaps dare I say it, even emotionally.

According to Bloomberg BusinessWeek (24 May 2012), the Leap is just the size of a “cigarette lighter that contains three tiny cameras inside” and costs just $70–“about half the price of a Kinect.”

The Leap is so sophisticated that it can “track all 10 of a user’s fingers and detect movements of less than one-hundredth of a millimeter.”

At their site, I see you can even preorder these now for estimated shipping at the end of the year.

I think I’ll put this on my holiday gift list. 😉

Computer, Read This

In 2002, Tom Cruise waved his arms in swooping fashion to control his Pre-Crime fighting computer in Minority Report , and this was the tip of the iceberg when it comes to consumer interest in moving beyond the traditional keyboard, trackpads, and mice to control our technology. 

For example, there is the Ninetendo Wii and Microsoft Kinect in the gaming arena, where we control the technology with our physical motions rather than hand-held devices. And consumers seem to really like have a controller-free gaming system. The Kinect sold so quickly–at the rate of roughly 133,000 per day during the first three months–it earned the Guinness World Record for fastest selling consumer device. (Mashable, 9 March 2011),

Interacting with technology in varied and natural ways–outside the box–is not limited to just gestures, there are many more such as voice recognition, haptics, eye movements, telepathy, and more.

– Gesture-driven–This is referred to as “spatial operating environments”–where cameras and sensors read our gestures and translate them into computer commands. Companies like Oblong Industries are developing a universal gesture-based language, so that we can communicate across computing platforms–“where you can walk up to any screen, anywhere in the world, gesture to it, and take control.” (Popular Science, August 2011)

– Voice recognition–This is perhaps the most mature of the alternative technology control interfaces,and products like Dragon Naturally Speaking have become not only standard on many desktops, but also are embedded in many smartphones giving you the ability to do dictation, voice to text messaging, etc.

– Haptics–This includes touchscreens with tactile sensations.For example, Tactus Technology is “developing keyboards and game controllers knobs [that actually] grow out of touchscreens as needed and then fade away,” and another company Senseg is making technology that produces feelings so users can feel vibrations, clicks, and textures and can use these for enhanced touchscreens control of their computers. (BusinessWeek, 20-26 June 2011)

– Eye-tracking–For example, new Lenovo computers are using eye-tracking software by Tobii to control the browser and desktop applicationsincluding email and documents (CNET, 1 March 2011)

– Telepathy–Tiny implantable chips to the brain, “the telepathy chip,” are being used to sense electrical activity in the nerve cells and thereby “control a cursor on a computer screen, operate electronic gadgets [e.g. television, light switch, etc.], or steer an electronic wheelchair.” (UK DailyMail, 3 Sept. 2009)

Clearly, consumers are not content to type away at keyboards and roll their mice…they want to interact with technology the way they do with other people.

It still seems a little way off for computers to understand us the way we really are and communicate.  For example, can a computer read non-verbal cues, which communication experts say is actually something like 70% of our communications?  Obviously, this hasn’t happened yet. But when the computer can read what I am really trying to say in all the ways that I am saying it, we will definitely have a much more interesting conversation going on.

(Source Photo: here)

>Subliminal Messages and Enterprise Architecture

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Subliminal message—“a signal or message embedded in another object, designed to pass below the normal limits of perception. These messages are indiscernible by the conscious mind, but allegedly affect the subconscious or deeper mind. Subliminal techniques have occasionally been used in advertising and propaganda; the purpose, effectiveness and frequency of such techniques is debated.” (Wikipedia)

50 years ago, a market researcher named James Vicary “announced that he had invented a way to make people buy things whether they wanted them or not” through subliminal advertising.

“He had tested the process at a New Jersey movie theater, where he had flashed the words ‘eat popcorn’ or ‘Coca-Cola’ on the screen every five seconds as the films played. The words came and went so fast—in three-thousandths of a second—that the audience didn’t know they’d seen them. Yet, sales of popcorn and Coke increased significantly.”

People who were afraid of the impact of subliminal messages or being brainwashed called them ‘merchandising hypnosis’ and ‘remote control of national thought’.

“In 1962, Mr. Vicary, in an interview, admitted that he had fabricated the results of the popcorn test to drum up business for his market-research firm. Subliminal ads were tossed into the invention junkyard.”

(Wall Street Journal, 5 November 2007)

Do subliminal messages work to change behavior?

“Subconscious stimulus by single words is well established to be modestly effective in changing human behavior or emotions. However there is no strong evidence that messages in advertising can or have been used effectively.” (Wikipedia)

Whether or not, people can be made to purchases or consume things through subliminal advertising is unclear. However, subconscious words and cues do have an effect on human behavior. An example of the effectiveness of subliminal cues are reactions to non-verbal communications, such as facial expressions or body language.

Similarly, with unconscious communications, “research has shown that our conscious attention can attend to 5-9 items simultaneously. All other information is processed by the unconscious mind.” (Wikipedia)

So clearly, the subconscious mind receives, processes, and reacts to verbal and non-verbal stimuli.

In User-centric EA, it is critical to communicate effectively, so that users not only hear the messages (i.e. the target architecture, transition plan, strategic plan and so on), but that they listen to them and ultimately act on them. To effectively communicate, then, means using the spectrum of verbal and non-verbal communication.

While the notion of hypnotizing our stakeholders into being “willing” participants in the development of the EA, and in complying with it, is certainly appealing in a sort of warped, comical way, it is certainly not a serious option (oh shucks!). So while EA practitioners can not go out and put subliminal EA messages into the corporate TV broadcasts or insert encrypted EA messages in the company newsletter, EA should use a broad array of marketing and communication materials and outreach efforts to reach leaders, subject matter experts, and stakeholders to unite the enterprise and move the organization forward toward business and technology evolution to meet mission execution.

In the end, good communication with stakeholders is one of the most critical success factors of an EA program.