Stone Faces Hide The Heart

Some people are so cold and emotionally distant.

They go around with a stone face.  

No emotion seems to seep in or out. 

The face doesn’t betray the heart in any way. 

You say something or do something, and they just sort of stare at you. 

No words, no outward response. 

Just a stone face like a poker face. 

You don’t know what’s behind it. 

But worse yet is a heart of stone–nothing impacts the inside just like the outside. 

Are some people this way because they have been so hurt in the past that they become hardened like a turtle’s shell to protect from the outside world. 

…Ain’t gonna let nothing hurt me again. 

Or are they great at using their poker face to fool, manipulate, and get what they are after. 

Perhaps the worst possibility is that they are simply a real psychopath–someone without conscience or empathy. 

Yes, that is scary because the unthinkable becomes thinkable. 

For most of us, reading verbal and non-verbal cues is critical to understanding other people. 

Hiding those cues can mean that the stone face is going to shatter someone’s world and that won’t be a pretty face at all. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Ever Feel Like You’re Target Practice


Thought this was really spot on.

The knives get sharpened and readied. 

At some point, they come flying out of nowhere. 

Often, from all directions at the same time.  

When it rains, it pours. 

Some people latch on to the opportunity to try and make a kill. 

You do your best to duck this way and that and survive the onslaught.

Hopefully, you were adequately prepared. 

The big question is–can you hold unto your cheese? 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Watch Out For Organizational Psychopaths

Wathc Out For Organizational Psychopaths

Ever feel like this at work?

The knives are flying and you’re the target–where’s the next one going, the heart of head?

Harvard Business Review has a telling blog about bosses at work that are borderline psychopaths.

Hard to spot because of their “chameleon-like qualities,” they are:

– “Self-serving”–basically they have what I call the selfish disorder, they want power, money, and status but don’t really care about the organization, mission or people, just themselves!

– “Manipulative personalities”–they hide their agendas, but work over others with charm, favors, even pretend friendship to get what they want.

– Domineering–corporate psychopaths are bullies, who assert themselves over others; they are insecure and endlessly competitive and abuse the people that work for them rather than recognize and reward them.

– Win-lose—they play corporate gamesmanship, appearing collegial enough, but really are always trying to get one up on their colleagues, staff, and even their bosses.

-“Unburdened by the pangs of conscience”–they don’t care what it takes to get what they want for themselves: they will lie, cheat, steal, and try to get rid of the competition (even if that is everyone that works for them or around them).

Estimates are that “perhaps 3.9% of corporate professionals” have these psychopathic tendencies–With all the crazies out there, that seems on the low side. What do you think?

Thank G-d, however, that there are some good bosses out there–seek those people out who act like mensches, who elevate others and do not treat them like the enemy within–those people are true gems. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Weeding Out The Servant-Leader From The Psychopath

A number of weeks ago, I saw the movie Horrible Bosses, a dark comedy with Kevin Spacey who not only horribly mistreats his workers, but also ends up being a psychopathic killer. (Note: the film has already grossed over $170 million).
The UK Daily Mail (2 September 2011) reports that psychologists have found that “one in 25 bosses is a [real] psychopath‘ but hides it with charm and business-speak,” and that this is 4 times higher than the prevalence of psychopathology in the general population.
According to Oregon Counseling, a psychopath “lives a predatory lifestyle. They feel little or no regret…[and they] see people as obstacles to be overcome and eliminated.”
The position of a boss at work would seem like a comfortable perch for a psychopath to occupy, where they could feed off of vulnerabilities of their underlings.
Thank G-d, not all bosses are like this–I can vouch for some very good ones out there–who truly are devoted to the success of the enterprise and look out for their people.  As one of my good bosses told me, “we are going to set up together to succeed!”
At the same time, there are other bosses out there, who as one of my best friends would say, “the wheel is still turning, but the hamster is dead.” They are there purely for themselves–plain and simple. Their career, their success, their next promotion…everyone else is just part of the food chain.
If I had to guess, I would bet that narcissism is highly correlated with psychopathic behavior at work.  Note–to organizational behavior researchers out there, please verify!
So how do the psychopaths achieve the positions of power?
According to the research cited in Daily Mail, they actually cover up their poor performance and climb the social corporate ladder “by subtly charming supervisors and subordinates.”
In other words, boss psychopaths are chameleons–expert at hiding their true colors or as my father used to tell me if that person has two faces, why would they use that one? 🙂
Boss psychopaths are NOT real leaders–they lack empathy, are callous, deceitful, and use others for their own gain.
When we are fooled by psychopaths into putting them into positions of power, we are falling prey to their manipulations, and are putting our organizations and people at the ultimate risk for failure.
One Psychologist calls psychopaths: “people without a conscience”--this is the complete opposite of who we need to seek out as leaders for our organization–to raise them up to higher standards of conduct, performance, and genuine teamwork.
A REAL leader is a caretaker of the mission and people of the organization who strives to see both outperform and thrive–while bottom-feeding is for sharks and psychopaths only!
There is a religious (Jewish) saying that from one good deed comes another–for the organization and it’s people, focus on the demonstration of ethical and caring behavior and results.
When I see a truly great leader, I am am inspired and hopeful again.
(Source Photo: here)

>Psychopaths and Enterprise Architecture

>In user-centric EA we are very focused on meeting the needs and requirements of the user community. However we need to beware of the fact that some users are “psychopaths” and do not have the best interests of the organization at heart.

In the book Snakes in Suits – When Psychopaths Go To Work by Babiak & Hare the authors identify these ill-intentioned people in the organization and why the organization tolerates them or is fooled by them.

“Psychopaths manipulate the system – they are selfish care only about themselves with little regard for fairness or equity. They allow the responsibility of leadership and the perks of power to override their moral sense. Some have embraced the mantra that greed is good and that success at any cost to others is justifiable and even desirable. And at the extreme some of these people have a true personality disorder rooted in lying, manipulation, deceit, egocentricity, callousness, and other potentially destructive traits.”

As enterprise architects, we need to be continually on the lookout for what’s best for the enterprise and not get sidetracked by those with ulterior motives or personal agendas.

Have you ever experienced a situation like this?