Ghosting – How Rude!

So when I listen to the Kane Show in the morning on 99.5 FM, they frequently do this thing where they call someone to find out why they’ve ghosted their lover or friend. 


Invariably, it often turns out that there is someone else in that person’s life. 


The person is usually either too scared to confront the other person or is just a cheater and doesn’t want to tell the other person, instead wanting to “have their Kate and Edith too.”  LOL


So “ghosting” is where the person just disappears, cuts off contact, or goes incommunicado. 

It’s sort of an avoidance strategy. 


This leaves the other person not knowing what happened or why. 


It’s like the line just goes dead between the two people.  


Sometimes, one person is clingy or forces themselves on another in which case, the other person may feel smothered, and therefore repels or wants to run in the other direction. 


Other times, how do you tell someone that you just don’t like them anymore? 


Worse is if the person is cheating behind the other person’s back, hiding it, and denying it–that’s unforgivable!


When a person ghosts another, it’s sort of like at work when someone get’s marginalized. 


No one wants to give honest feedback to the other person, so instead for some people it’s just easier to avoid them and the topic  altogether. 


I think the point is not to hurt other people. 


The question is how do you cut the strings with someone you don’t like without getting into a huge, ugly confrontation?


Honesty is the best policy, and treating people the way you would want to be treated. 


But for some people who don’t take no for an answer, it’s understandable that you may just want to have the phone on busy signal or you attempt to break contact.


Relationships are tough, and when they go bad, ghosting without at least trying to end it nicely can not only be rude, but also it’s chicken to break it off as a ghost, and not a person. 😉


(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Beautiful Hiking @Harpers Ferry

Hiking the Appalachian Trail, oh so glorious. 

The only photo not shown is the large snake we ran into on the rocks on the side of the path.


My wife screamed:


“S-n-a-k-e!”


And we were running for the hills in this direction and that.


We had no idea where she was pointing to.


It was pretty hilarious. 

 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fight or Flight

So I learned this interesting thing about the Fight or Flight response.


Fight or flight is not just physically fighting or fleeing, but it has a much more diverse set of responses involved to perceived life-threatening events. 


Fighting (turning towards the threat)

1. Physical fighting (Protect yourself with force)

2. Non-physical aggression

– Criticism (e.g. Attacking personality or character)

– Contempt (e.g. Attacking sense of self-worth with sarcasm, shaming, insults, eye-rolling, and sneering)


Flight (turning away from danger)

1. Physical fleeing (e.g. Run/hide)

2. Non-physical withdrawal

– Defensiveness (e.g. Deflecting the attack with excuses, disagreement, counter-arguments, or blaming)

– Stonewalling (e.g. Conveying disapproval or disconnection, stop participating, change the subject, or giving the cold shoulder or silent treatment)


When you recognize that not all issues are life-threatening, then you can lower the intensity of the “Amygdala Hijack” in terms of fight or flight and instead work towards developing mutual understanding, trust, respect, and shared goals and solutions. 


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal and attribution of content to Dr. Britt Andreatta)

What Do You Do With Fear?

Thought this was a really good perspective on fear.


“You have two options:


Forget Everything And Run


Or


Face Everything And Rise”


It the old fight or flight!


– Running may be good when you can avoid a devastating fight and get yourself and your loved one to safety.


– But sometimes you don’t have that option and you have to “fight the good fight” and overcome the devils you face. 


Everyone is afraid of something(s) and/or somebodies. 


If someone isn’t afraid then they are brain dead!


Strengthen yourselves, ready yourselves, and pray. 


What do you fear and how will you face it? 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Respect The Disabled

Respect For The Disabled.jpeg

So coming home tonight on the Metro train… 


People were switching trains in downtown D.C. 


Getting off from one train and going up the escalator to catch another. 


Every night people literally race up the escalator to catch their next ride. 


Some pushing their way on past the laggards. 


Others yelling for the people in front to “move it!”


Tonight, there was someone riding up the escalator on a wheelchair and holding unto to both sides to keep the chair from tipping over or literally rolling down backwards. 


(Usually the people in wheelchairs take the elevator and this was the first time I saw someone on the escalator riding it like this.)


So while I was expecting the people to start acting up on the escalator, running for the train on the platform.  


Instead, when they got to the wheelchair, they stopped and silently rode up with deep respect for the person holding himself steady.


There wasn’t a peep or a shove. 


I could see people missing their train, but they were thankful for their health and respectful of the man in the wheelchair. 


Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised and proud that there is still some human decency out there and that is cause for hope. 😉


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Kid’s Games, For Survival Mostly

Action Figure

Some nights, I dream of fighting and others of running for my very life.  

This last night, I woke up from the dream, and thought how these instincts of fight or flight are so pervasive in our lives, and even in our sleep. 

But more than that, we are literally from the youngest age, programmed for survival (of the fittest). 

Ok, here’s a simple hypothesis about kid’s play:  

Kid’s play is not just play, but rather the preparation through acting out of these basic human survival instincts.

At it’s core, kids games mimic the fundamental human tendencies of fight or flight. 

Think for a second of some of the most popular games that kids play…the ones that mostly have been around forever, and kids from the youngest of ages gravitate too.

Tag — Running after from someone else running after you. 

Hide and Go Seek — Running to hide from someone looking to find you.

Play Fighting — Fighting an opponent to see who is stronger and can overcome the other. 

Action Figures — Often superheroes and villians that once again, fight each other.

Dress Up — Girls often dress as the beautiful princesses to be admired by boys who are in turn dressed as (macho) heroes that seek to protect them. 

Video Games — The most popular ones, first-person shooter (fighting) and racing (running away, faster than anyone else, and over the finish line or into the safety zone). 

Whether we are playing games, sleeping and dreaming, or going about our daily life activities, make no mistake, we are in survival mode. 😉

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Two Lost Children

Children

Often we hear about lost children with everything from Amber Alerts to our phones and billboards to advertisements on local TV and even on milk cartons–and it is completely frightening. 

 


Rarely though do we come into contact with lost children…but yesterday it happened to us. 

 


We were taking a nice quiet walk around the neighborhood, but something was different this time. 

 


I see 2 children running down the block, and as they get closer, I see they are not playing, but running scared. 

 


The taller, older girl is ahead of a smaller boy. 

 


As the girl is within speaking distance, her whole face breaks into tears and she starts sobbing loudly.

 


Not knowing if they were in some imminent danger, I asked quickly what was wrong and were they in danger. 

 


By now the little boy has caught up with his sister and they–taking turns–saying they are lost. 

 


We start asking more questions.

 


Are you from around here?  No, they are visiting from NY. 

 


What is the address of where they are staying?  Don’t know. 

 


What the name of the people they are staying at?  Don’t know. 

 


Where are their parents?  Don’t know–they told them to go out and run around the (strange) neighborhood.

 


How old are they? The girl is 7 and the boy is just 4.

 


We told these 2 little kids not to worry that we would help them find their way back and that we wouldn’t leave them until we did. 

 


Immediately, we headed back from where they had come from to backtrack and find their parents. 

 


The boy and girl took turns running ahead, crying, afraid they were not going to find the house they came from and saying the streets here are so curvy unlike the square blocks where they are from in NY. 

 


As we kept going around, I started to get leg pain, as I am still on a cane myself from recent surgery, and we were rushing to find their home in the midday Summer sun.

 


We made it down a long block, looking this way and that with the kids–turned the corner…then again the same thing…down another block…although we try to calm them, as we kept going, the kids get more panicky that they were just completely lost. 

 


Finally, thank G-d, a lady in the distance…the kids start running…they recognize her immediately…it’s their mother. 

 


The lady sees us behind them bringing them home to her…she picks up the little girl who makes it to her first…so glad to have her kids back.

 


She waves to us…a quick sort of thanks–and turns and walks away.

 


That was it…she didn’t say a word and was gone before we even caught up. 

 


The kids were really sweet–and were also fortunate–and I hope they are okay and never have to experience anything like that again. 

 


(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)